Our Story.....

I'VE MOVED!!!

2006-08-06T17:23:00.000-07:00

You can find me here.

Left Behind

2006-03-02T15:22:00.000-08:00

Those of you feeling like you've been left behind, never fear. My email SUCKS and although I've sent out the emails twice, it isn't working for some reason. Hang in there, you'll get it as soon as I figure out what's up with my outgoing mail.

QueenBee

New Site

2006-03-02T11:49:00.000-08:00

Okay, I've emailed everyone who emailed me saying they wanted to keep reading at the new site. Please email me at queenbeeiam@earthlink.net if you want the new site. This site will be removed in a few days.

Thanks,

Queen Bee

All is Good

2006-02-28T15:49:00.000-08:00

There aren't details we can share from today's meeting - just that it continues to "look good" for us. Everything was fine. Thank you for your prayers.

I'm considering taking this site offline for a while. For privacy reasons, I just want to make sure we aren't "found" by the birthfamily in this situation. Anyway, one thing I may do is create another site that will be password protected - I know that is a pain, but if you want the address and password, email me and I'll be sure to get it to you. I'm probably being a bit overprotective, but I want my kids safe. I stupidly said something about a blog where they could overhear me and I have no idea if they are computer literate, but it's just not a risk I'm willing to take. So, ya, I'm going to move to a password protected site. Let me know if you want to come along!

Sunday School

2006-02-27T06:58:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I took Speedy to church with me. I had no idea how he would do in Sunday School (the nursery) but I carried him to the door and he could see all the kids and toys inside. When I put him down to fill out paperwork, he was trying to open the door and get in. He walked right in and never looked back. I was glad he wasn't upset, but I have to admit I was also a little disappointed that it didn't seem like he would miss me at all! :(

When I went to pick him up, he was standing near the door and watching it intensely. When he saw me, he ran to me with his arms up! So much for not missing me. I almost cried right there in the hallway and I'm sure people would have thought I'm nuts. Afterall, he IS almost two, they must think that surely I've left him in the nursery before. If only they knew.

Anyway, the worker said that he did fine but after about 10 minutes of playing he suddenly realized that I wasn't there and started asking for mommy. But he didn't get upset and cry so I'm glad for that. Anyway, he's so stinkin' cute!

The Princess and the Pee

2006-02-25T20:57:00.000-08:00

I love giving Princess her baths and she enjoys them too! It's probably not wise for me to strip her down at the changing table and then carry her bare bottom all the way to the kitchen where her bath chair is, but her little bum is so adorable! And she wouldn't dare pee on me. Or worse. Or would she?

She has peed while I was giving her a bath before but that wasn't such a big deal. Today, I finished her bath and wrapped her up in a cute hooded towel. She's always so happy at this point and looks so darn cute! I was cuddling her to me when all of the sudden my hand (the one that was under her bum) got really warm. I pulled her away from me to realize she'd just peed all over my hand and shirt. Thankfully, there was nothing else coming out of her. She had the sweetest, most innocent look on her face the whole time. But I think she secretly did it on purpose since I had woken her up from a nap. :)

Speedy cracks me up with his "peas" (please) and "tank-you"'s. He was supposed to be laying down for a nap but after 30 minutes I could still hear him talking and playing in his crib. I opened his door and said in a very stern voice, "Speedy, lay down - it's time to go night-night, no more standing up. Lay down and close your eyes and go to sleep!" He layed down, covered up and looked at me with the sweetest little eyes and said, "tank you". I closed the door before I cracked up laughing.

The Visit

2006-02-25T09:32:00.000-08:00

Thank you for praying faithfully for us yesterday as we went to our first visit. I know God was with us and after a little initial nervousness, I was completely relaxed. We got to meet birthmom and birthdad, maternal grandmother and paternal grandparents. All went very well.

For privacy reasons, I can't really say much about the visit or the people involved. I will tell you that we feel even better at our chances for adoption based on this visit. The best news is that I got pictures of everyone so I will have them for the kids.

The next big step is a meeting on Tuesday that will give us even more of an idea as to what will happen. So, if I could continue to beg for your prayers, please pray for the meeting this Tuesday at 1pm. Pray for everyone involved - that we will all seek what is best for these precious babies. We are a little apprehensive about this meeting - right now the birthfamily doesn't seem to realize the severity of this situation but I believe that will be made clear at this meeting.

I'll keep you posted as much as I can. Just know that Speedy and Princess are fine - there was really no response at all to the visit from them. Speedy continues to be his hilarious and fun-loving self and Princess is growing by the minute. I can't wait until I can really share pictures of them - they are so beautiful! And so much fun!

I heard Brien talking to Princess last night: "Hi little Princess.....you know, mommy used to be the princess before you came along. Now she's the Queen and you're our little Princess."

Also, when Brien came home from work on Thursday, I brought Speedy outside and I said, "go give daddy a big hug and a kiss"! He ran squealing to Brien and jumped up into his arms. I don't know who was smiling more, Brien or Speedy.

First Visit

2006-02-23T16:22:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow we have our first visit with Speedy and Princess' mother. We're excited and nervous and mostly just curious. Pray that God will open our hearts to her and help us share His love by meeting her without judgement. Pray that Speedy will be okay with the visit. Pray that we focus on what is best for the kids and not on how we may be feeling.

We are praying for a positive relationship with their mother. There are so many things we are asking God for, it feels like we are asking for the impossible - for one miracle after another. In Matthew 19:26, Jesus says, "With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible ."NKJV We are claiming that truth as we seek what is best for Speedy and Princess.

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

ahhh MEN!

2006-02-22T18:59:00.000-08:00

We're trying to teach Speedy to say grace before he eats his meals. I'll say, okay Speedy, it's time to pray....let's thank Jesus for our food before we eat. And he'll put his hands together and say "pway". He babbles a word or two as we go through the "God is good .... God is great" and then he knows right when to say "ahhh MEN" and he throws his little hands in the air. Sometimes half way through the meal, he stops and says again "pway" as he puts his hands together. It's so sweet!

We're also learning some songs. I always sing "Jesus Loves Me" to him as I rock him to sleep, but his favorite is definitely "Old McDonald had a Farm". The only part he sings is "E I E I O" but it comes out as "EEEEE I EEE I EEIIIIIII OOOOOO"! When I was giving him a bath today, I was singing Jesus Loves Me and he was watching me intently. Instead of singing, "yes, Jesus loves me...." I always sing, "Speedy, Jesus loves you...." and when I took a breath he chimed in with "EEEEE I EEEE III EEEEIIIIII OOOO" I guess Old McDonald had Jesus on his farm, too!

Brien and I take turns with Princess - he takes a night then I take a night and so on and so forth. If it is my night to be up with her, then he'll stay awake and feed her at 1opm before putting her back to sleep. Last night, I came in from bible study and he was in the lazy boy with Princess on his chest. I said, "hey, you're supposed to be keeping her awake so she'll sleep better tonight...." he swore she had "just fallen asleep". Then we had this conversation:

Brien: This is the best sleep there is (as he's holding her on his chest and resting his own eyes)
Me: It's so sweet to watch you with her, you've never been very interested in little babies and she is so tiny in your big hands
Brien: I have to get all of this I can....it won't be long before she won't just lay her and snuggle on daddy's chest anymore...
Me: Ya, that's sweet, you should sleep like that all night so I can get some rest, she'll never sleep good in the bassinet after leaving your chest
Brien: Where should I put her down now? The bed is in our room so I wouldn't know where to put her down.
Me: You can put a blanket on the floor and lay her down there
Princess: Waaaaa Waaaaa grunt snort fusss fuss fuss
Brien: Oh baby girl, it's okay. Daddy's not really going to put you down.

Geez. She's just a month old and already has daddy wrapped around her little finger! ha ha ha

Bonified

2006-02-20T19:16:00.000-08:00

As I sit here surfing the internet with Princess strapped to my chest and her pacifier in my mouth (the handle only), I realize that my life has officially changed. Not that I didn't realize it before, I think I keep having these realizations. Like today on the toilet.

I guess you realize when you have kids that is just isn't about you anymore. Maybe it never was.

I can't remember if I blogged about this or not and I'm too lazy to look it up so here goes. People keep asking about SPeedy and Princess and about their history and birthfamilies. Everyone wants to know what the situation is and whether or not we'll get to keep them forever. The honest answer is we just don't know. We know a little about their history but we aren't sharing that everyone. It's their story to tell when and if they choose. We are sure we'll get to keep them forever. We think we will. The chances are good that we will. But we aren't sure.

We are praying for God's perfect will. We are trusting Jeremiah 29:11, where we are told, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'They are for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.'" God has brought us a long way on this journey - He is not going to leave us now. His faithfulness has been so incredibly evident every step of the way. We don't know what is going to happen next month. But we trust that God has it all in the palm of His mighty hand.

There is a court hearing at the end of March that will determine a lot. We'll know more then and we'll share what we can. Most of all, we hope you will join us in praying for what is best for these kids. It would be so easy for me to ask you to beg God on our behalf to let us keep these babies. I've done so many times already myself. We want them like we've never before wanted anything. But it's not about us, it's about them and it's about Him. We are praying for what is best for these children. We are also praying for their birthparents. Whatever happens, God will give us what we need to get through it.

We believe these kids are our forever kids. I feel it in my bones. I pray I'm right about that. We are loving them as though they have always been ours.

Another thing people ask about is visits with the birthmother/father. When children are in foster care, they typically get weekly or every other week supervised visits with birthparents. So far, we haven't heard anything about visits but we do expect them to happen. The selfish part of me wants to hope that they don't happen, but again, it isn't about me anymore. I do hope they have at least one visit and I hope I have the opportunity to meet their birthmom. I want to be able to tell them one day what color her eyes are or that they have her smile.

I'd love to get a picture of her with them. One day they will want to know and I want to have answers.

On Multi-tasking

2006-02-20T07:13:00.000-08:00

When you have a two year old and a newborn in the house, you no longer get any time to yourself - for ANYTHING. Since Speedy occasionally likes to "visit" his baby sister, we have to keep a close eye on where he is at all times.

This morning, Princess was sleeping and I had to go to the bathroom. Okay, I had to poop. So Speedy had to come with me. I locked the poor kid in the bathroom with me and he wanted to brush his teeth. So I figure this is a good distraction.....until he decided it was MY turn to brush his teeth. Brushing someone else's teeth while you are pooping is not my idea of a good time. I tried distracting him and found the only thing that would work was singing, "The wheels on the bus go round and round..." all the while I'm pooping.

Life is never gonna be the same again, is it?

On brushing teeth

2006-02-18T14:13:00.000-08:00

It's a good thing Speedy is on the ball with all this parenting stuff. Tonight, Brien was taking him to our bedroom where we rock him for a little while before putting him down for bed. Speedy runs into the bathroom, gets on his little step stool and points to his toothbrush. "Teeth?" he says. Thanks for the reminder, Speedy. We know you need to brush your teeth and one day we'll remember to remind you instead of the other way around!

Is there anything sweeter than hearing your husband sing to your child as he rocks him to sleep? My heart just bubbles over when I see Brien loving on Speedy. Brien has been just wonderful - more than just helping out, he's doing half the work when he isn't at work. We take turns putting Speedy to bed each night, mostly because we both WANT to do it and it's our way of sharing. We also take turns getting up with Princess. Tonight is his night - WOO HOO!

I'm just amazed at how much both Speedy and Princess have grown already. I swear they get bigger every day. I wish I could post a picture of them both for everyone to see, but I'll have to wait on that.

Thanks so much for all of your kind words and prayers and encouragement. I haven't had much time to peruse blogs but I will catch up soon!

My New Hero

2006-02-17T04:42:00.000-08:00

Baby Einstein is my new hero. Praise God! I have gotten Speedy to watch it but he calls it "wow". I was watching it and trying to get his attention so I kept saying, "WOW" and then he came in the den and looked at it and said, "Woooow". Now when he eats breakfast, i put his highchair in front of the tv. We also watch it before bedtime. I only have one of the dvds but I plan to buy them all. Thank you, Jesus, for Baby Einstein!

I know there are people who would say I shouldn't "teach" him to watch TV that it's better if he doesn't blah blah blah blah blah. Frankly, I don't give a hoot! Mommy needs a break sometimes! :)

A new kind of tired

2006-02-16T19:45:00.000-08:00

Wow. Tired doesn't begin to describe what I'm feeling tonight. THankfully, Brien is going to get up with Princess tonight so I can get a full night's rest. Speedy didn't get all of his nap today and I paid for it around dinner time. Poor kid. He's so sweet but so interested in everything he's not supposed to touch. How long does this last? ha ha ha

When he was supposed to be napping today, I heard the distinct sound of jumping on his crib mattress. Thanks to Aunt Tina, Speedy recently learned how much fun it is to jump on a bed. Now he's decided naptime is a good time to try this new skill. Paybacks are a *%$##! So thanks, Tina. I REALLY appreciate that.

This morning I had Princess in her pink car seat and walked to the other room to get my vitamins. When I came out, Speedy had her pacifier and was trying to put it in her mouth. It was really sweet - he was being very gentle with her and rubbing it on her lips the way I do when she is fussy but won't open her mouth. I wish I had a camera in my hand so I could have captured the moment. Just as I was thinking how sweet he was, I saw him moving the pacifier to his own mouth. Guess he figured if she didn't want it, he'd take it!

By the way, if I had to choose another nickname for Speedy, it would definitely be Hungry Hippo. The kid wants to eat non-stop. He wakes up saying, "eat? eat?" and trying to climb into his high chair. Mid-morning we have a snack and trust me he won't let me forget about it. "nacky? nacky? ookie? nacky?" We had to put a child lock on the pantry because he kept pulling things out of there. He usually eats really good at lunch and at dinner and also has an afternoon snack. It amazes me how much that kid can eat.

Can you believe it?

2006-02-15T18:52:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how quickly life has changed in our home. It was just a few weeks ago when I was feeling like this wasn't EVER going to happen. I mean, I knew God had a plan and I trusted that plan but it just felt like it was taking forever. These kids are worth waiting forever for.

Some kids from church came over today to hang a swing in the front yard for Speedy. I'm so overwhelmed by the love that our friends are pouring out onto our family these days. And Speedy LOVES his swing. I wish I could post a picture of his beautiful smile - it lights up the whole room.

Here are some pictures I can share with you. The first is Speedy helping Grammie wash her hair! I tried to keep him away but he LOVES the water and really thought he should help.

The next one is tiny toes. My little princess even has adorable hands and feet! They are growing so fast, too! I can't believe how much bigger they are than when we first brought her home.

Finally, the little hands.

Unbelievable

2006-02-14T17:22:00.000-08:00

It's just so surreal. We are parents. It is exhausting but so rewarding. People keep asking me how hard it is to take on a newborn and a two year old at the same time. Most people have two years to get to know a child and are used to having a two year old when they bring home a new baby. We got both at once. So, while we are adjusting to Speedy and meeting his needs, we are also caring for a newborn who doesn't like to sleep between feedings at night. Is it hard?

Well, that's a dumb question. Ofcourse it is! As we parent Speedy, we also get immediate rewards like hugs and "I of ouuuuu" and "mammmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...." and "da eeeee". Most people have to wait months for these types of reward but we get right away. His smile melts my heart.

And she is so tiny yet so determined. She already has a will of her own.

Heart Shaped Pancakes

2006-02-14T15:20:00.000-08:00

I got to make heart shaped pancakes for my boy this morning! I doubt he even realized they were in the shape of a heart, but I knew and it was awsome! Speedy also got a card and a stuffed puppy with a heart on it. He LOVES puppies so this was a real treat that captivated him for at least 10 seconds!

Princess is growing stronger every day. She's gained weight and the pediatrician gave her a clean bill of health. They are both just so precious!

Did I mention I made heart shaped pancakes? ;)

Poopy Tales

2006-02-13T12:58:00.000-08:00

It's just amazing to me that something so tiny and delicate can produce something so foul-smelling! Yesterday, Princess had a poopy diaper and I tried to get Brien to change it. He said he wanted to watch me do one first as he had not yet had this privelege. I asked him to put a clean one on her while I threw the other one away. All of sudden, I heard Brien kinda yell and laugh at the same time and I looked back and he was backing away from the changing table. Princess was still pooping. Not a pretty sight, even from her perfect little tushy. We both laughed and were trying to keep her clean and finish changing her diaper. We went through three before it was all over. And I about had to change my pants, too, from laughin so hard.

I am more exhausted than I can ever remember being. But I'm also happier than I can ever remember being. Little Princess is growing and gaining weight quickly. Speedy is cracking us up with his dancing and the things that come out of his mouth. I've been trying to teach him that when I say, "Speedy, who loves you?" to say "Mommy does!". Today, I asked him, "Speedy, who loves you?" to which he replied, "Da-eeeee does!"

There are so many fun things I'd like to tell you about but I just don't have the time. I've got to sleep while I can. I'll try to post some pictures of hands and feet later this week.

Our friends have been feeding us every night and I'm terrified we'll all go hungry when that stops. We have wonderful friends and family who have all taken to these babies and been loving on them all week long. Please continue to pray for us as one day soon Brien and I will attempt to do this on our own, without the help of my mom who has been a God send this week. Not to worry, though, Brien's mom has her bags packed and is ready to come as soon as we give her the green light. So maybe we have a few more days before we become independant! ha ha ha

Sleep anyone?

2006-02-11T18:26:00.000-08:00

Wow, newborns really don't like to sleep through the night. When people say that, they aren't kidding! ha ha ha

We had a rough first night with Grammie coming to the rescue at 4am. I think that was the first realy sleep we got all night. Every time Princess squeaked we sat up in bed. Guess we'll have to get used to it.

Speedy is mostly uninterested in Princess but loves all the attention he is getting from our frequent visitors. We're so tired but so eager to show off our babies, it's fun to have the people we love meet the children who have stolen our hearts.

It is a little after 8pm and I'm getting ready for bed. Brien is taking the first shift tonight and I"m sleeping in the guest bedroom - what are the chances that he'll "forget" to wake me up for my turn? ha ha Quite a change from my usually midnight bedtime.

Brien rocked Speedy before bedtime tonight and after he put him down Brien came in to help me give Princess her first bath. He said, "That little boy almost made me cry." I asked why and Brien said because when he was rocking Speedy, Speedy said, "I uv you". Without any prodding from Brien. He is so stinkin' cute!

We gave Princess her bath and she didn't even fuss. Today she has been eating every four hours and sleeping well between feedings. Here's hoping this continues through the night.

I'll update more when I can, my brain is only functioning at 50% right now. WE are so in love with these kids. God is so good. Trust Him in everything. and wait on Him - I promise it will be worth it.

One last sleepy thought

2006-02-09T19:48:00.000-08:00

We have the best friends and family ever. Everyone has been so incredibly supportive and we love you all so much!

Lots of people are very curious about Speedy's background and why he is in care. They are equally curious about Princess and her story. We completely understand your curiosity and will tell you what we can. But this is not our story to share and we want to respect the privacy of our babies.

Another thing that people keep asking about is how long before we know if they will be ours forever. That's a tough question to answer because we aren't sure ourselves. We are looking at this as though they are our forever children and if that doesn't end up being the case, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. God has brought us a long way and He will give us what we need to make it through the next step. Afterall, Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'They are for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.'"

God knows what He is doing. I believe these are our forever kids. I'm praying that. I'm praying every night that God allows us to keep them. I'm also praying for their birthfamily and their caseworkers.....for everyone involved that we all see what is best for the children. I'm praying more than anything else that God's will is done. Am I a little nervous? Sure. But I am walking by faith. God is so good.

Oh yeah, one more thing, with Princess coming home tomorrow, I don't know how much time I'll have to post. ha ha ha I'm going to try to get some pictures of their hands and feet to post here. I won't post any pics of their faces until the adoption is finalized. I'll check back in when I can.

Speedy and the Happy Dance

2006-02-09T16:14:00.000-08:00

If only I could video Speedy's happy dance and play it here for you. You'd laugh for days. When he gets really excited, he grins from ear to ear and squeals while flails his arms about and marches quickly in place. The whole time he's doing this, he's kinda shaking his body from side to side. It's freakin' hilarious.

I've had lots of help and I don't know what I'd do without it. It's so hard to leave Speedy here but I also feel bad not being at the hospital.

I have to admit, after trying unsuccessfully to get the little Princess to eat yesterday, I was beginning to wonder if I'd be able to do it. In fact, I was pretty sure I couldn't. I felt so incompetent to care for her but today was much better. They started stretching her feedings out to every four hours and now she is much more alert and ready to eat when it's time. She took the whole bottle with little problems tonight - woohoo!

Tomorrow, Brien and I will do what's called a "room in". We'll go the hospital early in the morning and they will put us in a "labor and delivery" room with our Princess. We'll care for her all morning and part of the afternoon before they release her. I'm so excited we get to have this time with her and we get to benefit from having the nurses who have been caring for her for the last three weeks nearby.

This weekend will be very busy but it will also be so much fun. I can't wait to introduce Speedy and Princess. It ought to be interesting! I wish I could tell you all the funny things Speedy does in a day but there isn't enough space in blogland. His voice makes my heart smile. His laugh brings tears to my eyes. Our son is finally home. Thank you God, for Speedy. He was worth every tear, every disappointment and every heartache. I'd do it all again three-fold, just for the chance to be his mommy. He truly is our "gift from God".

Speedy watches TV

2006-02-08T11:08:00.000-08:00

So this morning I thought we'd try to get Speedy to watch Veggie Tales. I don't think he quite gets it yet.

Praise God

2006-02-08T03:51:00.000-08:00

I've been reading through the Psalms trying to find a passage of scripture to help capture the joy in my heart. This is what I came up with so far:

Ps 108:1-5
My heart is confident in you, O God;no wonder I can sing your praises!Wake up, my soul! 2 Wake up, O harp and lyre!I will waken the dawn with my song. 3 I will thank you, LORD, in front of all the people.I will sing your praises among the nations. 4 For your unfailing love is higher than the heavens.Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds. 5 Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens.May your glory shine over all the earth.NLT

In all of this excitment, I just want to stand before my Father and offer my praise to Him. I want to teach Speedy all about God's great love. I need some help with that - any ideas on books or activities for a 2 year old that can be used to teach him about God?

Things we've learned since having a two year old:

Things are the counter are not safe - where there is a will, there is a way
Two year olds are smarter than we think they are
This is one Brien learned last night the first time he bathed Speedy: If a two year old is in awe of your cell phone, you should not have it on you when you bathe said two year old. His name is Speedy afterall.
When a two year old wants to feed a baby a bottle, don't step back to take a picture - no matter how cute it is. Two year olds like to share. (Thanks for sharing your bottle, Barrett!)

He called me Mommy

2006-02-07T19:21:00.000-08:00

When Brien was rocking Speedy to sleep tonight, I was calling my mom on the phone. He heard me talking and he yelled, "Momee?......MoMeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Momeeeeee? Pease? Mommeeee?" He's said mommy before, but tonight I knew he was talking about me. He wanted me to rock him. Okay, that isn't entirely true. What he wanted was for me to come and get him from Daddy so he wouldn't have to go to sleep.

Brien let me rock him and he was leaving the room and Speedy turned to look at him and kinda fussed. I asked if he wanted Daddy to stay and he said, "yeah". So Brien sat on the floor and I rocked and Speedy talked.....and talked.....and talked...until finally I said okay it is bedtime. We put him down and I sat on the floor next to his crib until he settled down. Then I lied and said I'd "be right back" and left. And didn't go back. But he didn't protest.

Today was FABULOUS! I spent the morning with Speedy and we ventured out to Target to get some age appropriate toys. Although we have tons of toys, many of them are a little old for him so I got him this music thing that he loves and I also got him a cell phone. He has been fascinated with my cell phone and with Brien's (more to come on that) and he always wants to play with them. So I bought him a play one and he talked on it all the way home.

I also got him a "Big Wheels" today because he LOVES to be outside and we didn't have anything for him to ride. He will be SO EXCITED to play with it tomorrow - i'm going to have to hide it until I'm ready to go outside. He's such a good kid. He has no fear and hasn't cried yet when he's fallen down or when I take something away from him. He's even sat in time out - twice - and it was obvious he knew what it was.

This is the child that has been growing in my heart since we decided to adopt. He is one of the ones I've been praying for. I know he's been through a lot in his two short years, but I also know that he has been loved. I've prayed many times that my children were safe and that someone was loving on them and I can tell that he's been loved by someone.

Tonight, while I was holding my little Princess at the hospital, these lyrics came into my head:

"How great is our God? Sing with me...How Great is our God?....All will see How Great....How Great.....is our God"

Wait on God, friends. It's always worth it.

A PS for everyone who has asked if they can help.....Yes, yes yes yes yes and please and yes again. And thanks from the bottom of our hearts. And come see us. We're DYING for you to meet our son and our daughter. Friday she should be coming home so come see before or after then.

We're in Heaven

2006-02-07T03:35:00.000-08:00

My cup is overflowing and I don't know where to begin to describe how wonderful it is. Yesterday was a hard day, mostly because I was running on 2 hours of sleep. 2 hours of sleep plus a VERY active two year old equals a very long day. Thankfully, I had lots of help. It's hard to not know what he is used to. I've finally decided on a nick name for him, it's Speedy Gonzalez.

So Speedy has a laugh that melts my heart. I was on the verge of tears all day yesterday and I thought it was mainly exhaustion, but as I'm trying to think of words to tell you how much I love him, my eyes are welling up. Our first day as mother and child was a hectic one, with people coming and going all day. But it was great! I'm so eager to show him off to everyone. Speedy never runs out of energy - I seriously think that when he is tired he just takes off running to keep himself awake. When he gets all excited he does this little dance where his arms flail around and he looks like he is marching in fast forward.

People keep asking me how I'm feeling. It just feels right. It feels like our son has finally come home and our daughter is on her way. His laugh is infectious and she has all the nurses wanting to take her home. Last night, we left my mom with Speedy so we could go to the hospital and visit The Princess. She is the tiniest thing you've ever seen. I expected to be fine with leaving Speedy here with my mom but I almost cried when we got in the car to leave. I knew he would be fine but it broke my heart that I wouldn't be able to put him to sleep on his second night here. I don't think it phased him one bit......but I think maybe that was part of my sadness, too. He's used to being passed around.

Sometime today, I need to get back up to the hospital to see The Princess. I'll leave Speedy with Brien's mom and I'm hoping to do that around nap time (actually, i'm just hoping nap time exists today....) but I need to be there for a feeding. She is precious. It's hard to split my time between them and I'll be glad when we get her home. Right now, I know she is being well cared for at the hospital and I really want to focus on Speedy. Afterall, we need to try to somehow prepare him for the upcoming arrival of his baby sister.

Our neighbor has a swing in her front yard and Speedy thinks it is the best thing since sliced bread. We've already figured out where we're going to hang one in our front yard but we just have to figure out when! We've also discovered that he loves to ride little bike/trike things. I'm not sure if he knows how to pedal a tricycle or not but something tells me he'd figure it out.

Funny moment yesterday. When Speedy was eating dinner, my mom (Grammie) had his food on his tray. We've been letting him feed himself with is hands and I was wondering how we'd teach him to use a spoon/fork. We don't have to. He took the spoon and fed himself the rest of his peas. Guess he's been wondering why we don't let him use utensils. ha ha ha

Yesterday morning, Brien called about 8:30am. This was our conversation:

Brien: what are ya'll doing?
Me: Speedy just woke up, i had to wake him up actually.
Brien: ok ok, sorry I was hoping I didn't wake him. I waited as long as I could but I just couldn't wait anymore. I was dying to know what he was doing.
Me: He's standing on the couch (something we swore our kids would never do) watching the dogs outside and I'm encouraging it. ha

Thanks to all of you for your comments, emails and phone calls. We'll return them all one day.

Sleep?

2006-02-06T04:09:00.000-08:00

I guess I'll never sleep again, will I?

Our little guy went down about 7:45 last night and he woke up briefly around ten but went back down quickly. At 1am, he decided he'd had enough sleep and was WIDE AWAKE! What is that about?

He was talking 90 to nothing and giggling to himself as he laid in bed. I got him up to change him and rock him and try to bribe him back to sleep. He just kept talking and talking. It was so cute - even at 2am! At 3am, I still thought it was cute but I was ready for a little less cute and a little more sleep. I'd put him back in the crib and I laid down in the twin bed in the nursery where he could see me. Just as I was about to doze off, I heard, "WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP".... I almost peed my pants it was so funny.

I finally got my pillow and headed out the door. There was a minor protest but i left anyway and not long after that he fell back asleep. So I slept from about 3:30am to 5am when Brien's alarm started going off. Now it's 6am and I"m exhausted but couldn't sleep. I took some advil and I'm heading back to bed now; here's hoping our little guy sleeps until noon. ha ha ha

Oh ya, and one more thing WE HAVE AN ADORABLE TWO YEAR OLD!

AWESOME GOD

2006-02-05T20:19:00.000-08:00

God has far exceeded our expectations!

I want to remember this day, so here's a recap.

The meeting took place at 3pm and at 4:15 I called M to see if she had heard anything. No word yet.

About 5pm, I walked outside and called Brigitte because she had been text messaging me neurotically all afternoon. ha ha ha I was only outside for a few minutes and when I opened the door to walk back in, Brien was on the phone and he was smiling ear to ear. He gave me the thumbs up sign and I started jumping up and down. When he got off the phone we both hugged and cried and then i pushed him and said, "you better not be messin' with me!" ha ha

We called everyone we could think to call on our way to the office to pick up our little guy. We got there and changed his diaper, signed some papers and then headed home. He fussed a little when we put him in the car seat but he settled right down. I bought a huge stuffed red puppy dog that he held onto a little on the ride home. We asked him questions but he pretty much said no to everything. It didn't take us long to realize that "no" was all he would answer to anything.

We fed him chicken nuggets and carrots when we got home. He said "no" (ofcourse) when we asked if he was hungry but he inhaled two carrots. Although he didn't eat much of the nuggets, he did enjoy throwing them on the floor. Here's how that went:

Little guy throws nugget on floor.
Brien says, "no, we don't throw food on the floor."
Little guy looks at Brien, looks at another nugget and throws it on floor."
Brien say, "Little guy, I said no. Food is for eating not for throwing."
Little guy picks up another nugget and throws it on floor.
Brien looks at me and says, "what do i do?" I said, "Heck if I know."

We decided at that moment that it's us against him and he's likely to win. ha ha ha

He is adorable. He was very happy to play this evening, he LOVED his bath and had fun investigating. The house is definitely not toddler-proofed as much as we thought it was! People keep asking us how we feel. It's wierd. I expected to be on cloud nine for days but really, everything just feels right.

One child is home and one will be soon. We pray these are our forever children. Right now, all we can do is believe they are and act accordingly. We are a family of four.

God is more amazing than we can begin to imagine. He has given us more than we asked for. All praise belongs to Him.

WE GOT HIM

2006-02-05T14:47:00.000-08:00

GOING TO PICK HIM UP NOW.

THank you, God.

Deep Breaths...

2006-02-05T13:04:00.000-08:00

It's 3:05 CST and the fate of this foster child is currently being decided. We've prayed for God's perfect will, we've prayed for God to bring these children to us, we've prayed for all caseworkers and others invovled......it's God's turn now. And He is going to hit a homerun just like He does every time.

My stomach is in knots and I feel a little nautious. But I'm also very excited. We've prepared all weekend as though a two year old is coming to live with us tonight. If that doesn't happen, we'll be heart-broken but we'll praise God with our first breath. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'They are for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.'"

You know what we want, Lord. You know our hearts' deepest desire. More than anything else, we want to honor You and serve You. We trust You. We trust Your perfect plan.

I'll post when I know more.

Good Morning?

2006-02-04T02:51:00.000-08:00

YES, it is a good morning, even though I"m awake and it is only 4:45AM. I've slept as long as I can because I keep thinking of things I need to have on hand for a two year old. What has kept me awake this morning is thinking of a little step stool he can use to reach the sink in the bathroom.

And we don't have a little table for the playroom, yet. One that he can sit at to color and stuff. I'll need to get a toothbrush, some pj's, some regular clothes..... I have no idea what size. He'll need diapers. I guess I should pick up some small plastic plates and - what about spoons and forks? Does a two year old like smaller ones or do you think he'll be eating with "big people" utensils.

I guess a lot depends on what his actual age is - I mean, he could be barely two or he could be almost three. These are the kinds of questions a rational person would think to ask......not me. When I was calling people to tell them about this situation, someone asked me if the children were caucasion, hispanic, african american, etc.... I realized I didn't know. (just for the record, this person was one of my best friends and only trying to learn as much as possible about the children; she could care less if he is green or purple) When M called me back I was able to get some of my questions answered, but she didn't know all of the information.

Sippy Cups! I should probably get some sippy cups, right? I don't know how much to get. I don't want to get a ton of stuff at first - and for now I'll need to save all of my receipts in case this doesn't end up happening. HOw much would that suck?

It's been cold here in the mornings, I wonder if he has a jacket? I'm going to find a little stuffed animal, like a little puppy dog or something to give to him when he gets here. He'll probably be so scared, maybe it will give him something to hang on to.

I'm trying not to go crazy buying stuff but I'd at least like to have some essentials oh hand. Since I have no idea what time he'll be here on Sunday, I guess I better plan on something for dinner...and set the table for three.

I know. I know. There is a chance this won't happen at all. I'm praying that God will close this door if it isn't His perfect will. THe thing is, we've been selected to go to the four way on Sonny and Cher. THat will happen on Feb. 14. If we take this foster placement, we'll no longer be considered for Sonny and Cher - obviously. We had to make a decision - either we take this foster placement OR we go to the four way for Sonny and Cher. If this placement doesn't happen, then we'll definitely still go to the four way on Sonny and Cher. We've prayed all a long that we get the children God has for us. We are not capable of figuring out who they are on our own so we are working on a "first come first serve basis".

If Sonny and Cher are the children God has for us, we pray He closes the door on this foster placement. We only want what He has for us and we trust that He'll make that happen. But we can't choose one set of kids over another - regardless of their situation or their eligibility for adoption.

I bought a book the other day about adopting todlers; i'm going to start reading it now. I"m hoping there will be a chapter on what to do the first time you meet...etc... Cause I DON'T HAVE A CLUE.

-12

We're in Labor.......

2006-02-03T19:23:00.000-08:00

How do I write what is on my heart when so many thoughts are running through my mind? My life changed today at about 3:30pm when I received a phone call.

I'm not ready to write about this yet but I can't not write about it, either. I don't want to miss any of the details or forget the emotions swimming through me tonight. Throughout this entire process, I have envisioned what would happen when we got "The Call".....how I would wait until Brien got home and tell him in a fun way. I imagined going to see our parents and telling them in person about their soon-to-be grandchildren.

Funny, life never works the way we plan it. When that call came in today all rational thought left my head and my fingers started dialing as fast as they could. There is a two year old little boy in foster care tonight who may soon be coming to live at our house; maybe for forever and maybe just for a while. This will be a straight foster placement but the workers feel there is a good chance it will flip for adoption.

Today is Friday. The final decision will be made on Sunday. If he is moved from his current placement, he will be brought here. That same night. In less than 48 hours we could have a foster son living in our home. I know lots of you only read during the work week - what a surprise for those who log in on Monday morning to hear we have a foster son! ha ha ha

As you envision our family of two becoming a family of three, add one more. He has a baby sister, a newborn. She has not yet been released from the hospital but they expect her to be released sometime next week. She'll come here also.

It doesn't seem real to me; that all of this could happen so fast. I don't believe it is really happening at all. I wan't going to write until Monday, but we need your prayers. It would be so easy for me to pray that we get both of these children moved to our house and that we get to keep them forever. But we have to think of the children first. Their needs are so much more important than ours - PLEASE pray that God will put them in the place that is absolutely best for them. Pray also for us - that if they come here and are only here for a while that God will give us what we need to survive that.

Above all else, pray for a scared two year old little boy who probably doesn't understand much of what is happening to him right now.

We are SO STINKIN' excited we can't stand it. We're trying to guard our hearts but we can't help but love these children already. Thank you, God, for the opportunity, for the hope and for your neverending Grace.

Updates on the Left

2006-02-02T21:28:00.000-08:00

Here is a copy of the email the Adoption Lady forwarded to me from "June Bug's" case worker (see column on left side of page) :

"I read the studies for June Bug last night and have narrowed our selection down to 4 or 5 families with Goehring's being part of that group. Now I need to get with my worker to schedule a staffing date, but I will be out of the office on Friday and she's been out today. We will schedule the staffing when we see each other on Monday."

WOO HOO! At least we made "the short list"....ha ha ha

Something I've wondered about often is how having children will change my relationship with Brien. It's just dawned on me, however, that having children will also change my relationship with God. Do you think having children deepens your understanding of God's Amazing Love ? I can't wait to see how it changes my perspective.

-10

My Ebenezer

2006-02-02T05:34:00.000-08:00

In an attempt to give myself more accountability for spending time daily in the Word, I've created Ebenezer. It's just a place where I'll record daily scripture readings and what they mean to me. If you check it and notice that I haven't posted in a while, be sure to let me know.

Valentine's Day is just right around the corner..........does anyone have any Valentine's Day traditions? I think my favorite memory of Valentine's Day was a year or two ago when Brien and I got together with a few other couples and went out for dessert. Since the restaurants are so crowded that day and since none of us had any money, we went to Dairy Queen! Afterwards, we went to someone's house and played games.

What's your favorite memory of Valentine's Day?

Conflicting Signs

2006-02-01T14:39:00.000-08:00

I hate when I get my "signs" confused. Or one "sign" conflicts with another. Where is my magic eight ball when I need it?

I talked to M again today and said that she thought there were several families whose lifebooks were brought in for review. So much for feeling special. ha ha ha

In other news, we've been submitted for a two year old girl, a 1 1/2 yr old girl and a 2 month old baby girl in the past few days. All three of those submissions are through AAN.

Is it a sign?

2006-01-31T20:54:00.000-08:00

We often look for "signs" in life to let us know if we are on the right track, right? I mean, tell me I'm not the only one who does that! I think, in reality, we look for signs that help us justify what we're already doing (or not doing). We see things that substantiate what we already believe to be true. Following me here?

Well, I guess that's what I'm doing now and while I hate to get your hopes up again......... LOL, isn't it funny that I worry about getting your hopes up? I mean, I'm not even sure who "you" is. ha

I got a call from M today and she had some very interesting news. The siblings, who I am now calling Sonny and Cher (sorry, Karen), have a four-way date set. Probably on February 14. We may or may not be included in that four way and M was waiting for final confirmation before calling me but still hadn't gotten it. Here's where it gets interesting.

On Thursday of last week, the case worker for Sonny and Cher called M and wanted her to go down to the CPS office and take them a copy of our scrapbook pages. They liked our homestudy and wanted to see photos. M said they really liked everything they saw and that she really thought we were going to the four way but she had not yet recieved the official notification. This is the first time she has been asked to present our photos prior to the actual four-way.

Why am I going on and on about all of this? Because I have come to the conclusion that the CPS workers choose the family they want to match with the child(ren) before the four-way ever occurs. The four way is mostly a formality and they already know who they want, but have to consider the others. THE "SIGN" is that they wanted to see our information before the four way. That "SIGN" makes me think this could really be it. They really want us to be matched with Sonny and Cher.

I know I'm reaching here but hey, I can't help it. We may not even be going to the four way and I've already decided these are our kids. Perhaps you are wondering how I feel about that? How do I feel about becoming parents to a 1 yr old and a 2 yr old overnight? I can describe it for you in one simple word: FEAR LOL

So what do you think? I think it would be fun take bets or something. Who here thinks this means we are definitely going to the four way? Who here thinks it means we are being matched with these kids? And, finally, who here thinks I've gone completely insane? My vote is on the last one! LOL

Something to talk about

2006-01-31T05:47:00.000-08:00

Wylddad prompted me to write about my thoughts on when/how to tell our children that they are adopted with this post.

The fact is, we're never going to tell them.

Before you start rioting, let me explain. ;)

I don't want to sit our children down one day and rock their world by telling them they were adopted. Adoption will be a word we use on a regular basis in our house but it will be just another part of life, I don't want to make it a big deal. There are some great children's books out there on adoption and we'll start reading them as bedtime stories as soon as we get our babies.

If I can't find one that seems appropriate enough, I'll write my own. In fact, that is something that I've thought a lot about. I hope I follow through and take the time to write a children's version of our story - how our children came to be ours. I very much hope to include pictures of our child(ren)'s birthfamily in this book.

Those of you who may be reading and are not "in tune" with the adoption community may be surprised by the fact that I hope to have pictures of the birthfamily. Some of you probably even think it's wierd. I've heard people say that it would make them uncomfortable to have pictures of a child's birthmother. I think it would be a beautiful gift to our child. You see, it's not about what we think or what we want or even about what we're afraid of. It's about the children and what is best for them.

Nothing could convince me that what is best for him/her is to not have the opportunity to know about his/her birthfamily. Granted, I won't title my children's book "When Mommy is a Crack Addict". There is information that we won't include from the beginning but will make available to our children as it becomes appropriate for their level of maturity. I've thought about explaining that birthmom was too "sick" to take care of them, but that word is too common - I'd hate for my child to worry everytime I get sick that I'll be putting them up for adoption. But it will be something along those lines.

Adopting through foster care is different than other types of adoption. These children don't typically have parents who made a loving choice to put them up for adoption - most of them were left with no choice due to their own decisions and circumstances. Some of those decisions and circumstances put the children who will one day be mine in harm's way and that makes me very angry. But I will always hold a special place in my heart for these birthmothers because they gave life to my children.

I'm very blessed to have been given a mother who taught me the meaning of unconditional love. God only knows where I would be today with the profound impact she had on my life. I hope I can pass that unconditional love on to my children and give them the roots they need to fly wherever they want to go. Especially if where they one day choose to go is back to find their birthfamily.

-6.5!!!!!!

What's it Like?

2006-01-29T22:10:00.000-08:00

People always want to know what it's like to wait through the process of adoption. It seems everyone has a story of waiting on God and they want to share it with me, which I really don't mind. Unless I'm feeling cranky which has been quite often lately. But I'm not sure how to explain what the waiting is like. Until this weekend.

We went to dinner with friends Saturday night and while we were sitting at our table a couple walked by with two small children. They looked like they could have been one and two years old. The older was a girl, the younger a boy. As conversation took place around me, I found myself wondering if they could possibly be the two siblings in foster care. Then it dawned on me......that's what the waiting is like. You see children and you wonder if that stranger is holding the child that will one day be yours.

I know that probably sounds a little creepy but I don't care. That is what's going through my mind most of the time. I don't look at people and wonder if they are drug addicts or alcoholics who will one day have their children taken away from them - I look at them and wonder if they are foster parents caring for a child who may become eligible for adoption. So I hope that makes it less creepy.

And if it doesn't........well, then I guess I'm creepy. I can deal with that. I'd rather be anything than "normal".

-5

Complain Complain Complain

2006-01-27T15:31:00.000-08:00

That's all I've got today! For a week now I've been having trouble with Time Warner (they suck) who provides my high speed internet service. This morning, I woke up to find that my phone service (not provided by TW) was not working. About 11am, my internet and cable went out also. The internet connection has been down from about 11am until about 4pm every day this week. What is up with that? I couldn't even call and complain because I knew I'd lose it and end up yelling at the poor person who answered the phone.

But I did call my phone service. I won't repeart the whole conversation, but this part was funny:

Rep: We'll have your phone line fixed on MOnday, Jan. 30.
Me: Seriously? There's nothing we can do before then?
Rep: They work weekends and if they can get to it faster they will.
Me: Monday? I have no phone until Monday?
Rep: I can forward your calls free of charge, if you'd like.
Me: That would be great, thanks!
Rep: No problem, we're sorry for the inconvenience. When your line comes back on, the calls should automatically go back to your house...if not, just give us a call and we'll take care of it for you.
Me: Thanks! You know, you don't suck like the people at Time Warner. Did you know that Time Warner REALLY sucks?
Rep: laughing, thanks...that's good to know......

And no call from M today so no word on the siblings.

Stupid Person of the Day Award
Automated response system at the phone company. "if your phone is not working at all, press 1" I pressed 1. "If you are calling from your home phone, press 1." I pressed 2. "If you can be reached at your home phone number in case we get disconnected, press 1." I screamed into the phone and pressed zero for an operator.

-4

Stupid is as stupid does

2006-01-26T20:19:00.000-08:00

I'm going to try really hard to not use the word "sucks" in this post. Oops. Guess I just blew it. Oh well, at least I don't tell you stuff like this. Go ahead and click the link, you know you want to. Claudia, hope you don't mind the reference but i couldn't resist. I'm still laughing.

It's been a while since I've been on the road before 7am (what am I saying? before 10am) and I was surprised at how many people were out and about. You'd think most people leave their house for work or something.....

I was hoping to hear from M today about the sibling group but I guess she hasn't gotten a notification yet. All we would find out this week is whether or not we've been selected to go to the four way. I have to confess that I'm getting a little bored with the adoption related posts so I may take a break from it for a while. I'll keep you posted but there just isn't much to say on that front right now.

I'd rather blog about stupid people because the world seems to be full of them. (here is where I'd like to say that Time Warner seems to have employed several of them......) I know that's not nice but really now....as the comedian whose name I can't remember would say, some people should have to wear signs. To warn of their stupidity. Like our waitress at Saltgrass the other night - when we asked, as our meal arrived, about the side order of shrimp we had ordered. "oh," she says, "they didn't bring those out?" Ya, they brought them. We just ate them along with the plate they came out on. Now we'd like more, please. DUH!

Because I know it isn't nice to make fun of people (but I'll continue to do it anyway) I'll end with one of my own stupid stories. I use a headset for the online classes I teach and I recently bought a new one. This week, I have had...um, "issues" with it. All of the sudden, my voice cut out and the class could not hear me at all. I started checking for network problems, packet loss issues, etc..... and then I realized I had accidentally pressed the mute button on my new headset. This happened not once, not twice but three times. With the same class. I bet they are writing posts about they stupid instructor with mute button issues tonight. ;)

Going Postal

2006-01-25T20:16:00.000-08:00

Edited to add: If the word "sucks" offends you, you should stop reading now.

TIME WARNER SUCKS! TIME WARNER SUCKS! TIME WARNER SUCKS!

That's how I want to begin my letter to the CEO of Time Warner. But I will choose my words much more carefully and I will compose a letter that tells him/her how much TW sucks without using those words. And I"m going to send a copy of it to every address for TW I can find. Can you tell I'm ticked?

Enough of that. For now, my internet is working. Ofcourse, it was working last night too but not today (because TIME WARNER SUCKS) when I needed it for my job. In the last week, there have been 3 tech guys from sucky TW at my house and there are two more scheduled to come out on Friday and Saturday. I've made probably 10 phone calls in the last week. It's a wonder I still have cable at all.

BLEH!

Tomorrow, I get to do something I haven't done in a very long time. I'm going to get up and get dressed and go to work. Usually, I just have to stumble down the hall to my home office but since TIME WARNER SUCKS I'm going over to Brigitte's house to use her computer. (She has DSL with an internet service provider that doesn't suck.) I'm lucky to have such wonderful friends - several have offered the use of their home computers.

So, back to tomorrow. I'm going to get up and go to Brigitte's to work all day. Woo Hoo! I'm just so glad I'll be able to work. Okay, I'm not really glad I get to work because I'm not real big on working in general but I made a commitment to do these classes so I'm glad I get to keep that commitment. Oh, and by the way, when I said I had to get dressed and go to work......that means I'll brush my teeth and put on my comfy slippers and drive to Brigitte's in my PJ's. Just because TIME WARNER SUCKS doesn't mean I should have to suffer and wear grown up clothes while I'm teaching. ha ha ha

I talked to M today and she said she expects to hear something soon on the siblings. I can't remember if I posted this or not but the 1 yr old is a boy and the 2 yr old is a girl! That would be so much fun. We're still toying with the idea of straight foster care but it's really scary. We're still praying on it. If you want to read more about what it would be like, you should check out Tamara's story. Right now, they have an infant they picked up from the hospital!

HEre's another random thought that is not about TIME WARNER SUCKING. Today, I had a bowl of chicken broth for a "snack". I feel like I've reached an all new low in this whole dieting thing and I'm only on day 3. If you are wondering why I chose chicken broth, it's because it has zero points on the weight watchers system. The whole time I was eating it I kept thinking about the episode of Friends where Rachel wants Ross to drink chicken fat or lard or something from a glass to show he's really sorry. I wanted to vomit.

-2

Internet Connection

2006-01-25T13:13:00.000-08:00

Time Warner sucks. I'm getting DSL service but don't know how much connectivity I'll have before next week. What if something incredibly exciting happens and I can't tell you all about it? Oh No! I'll find a way, don't worry. ha ha ha ha

-2

And so it began

2006-01-23T20:53:00.000-08:00

Today was a success as far as the whole diet thing goes. But I have to tell you I am a little angry at the people who make labels for the foods we eat. Sometimes, they just plain lie. For example, a Lean Pocket claims it is low fat and so I assumed I was eating fairly healthy when I had one for lunch. Then I decided I would check the points with my Weight Watchers point calculator thingy and one of those tiny little things was was a little less than 1/3 of the points I'm allotted per day! WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?

Anyway. Weight Watchers. I've been a weight watcher for about the last 3 years. ONly, I've been watching my weight go up instead of down. I don't think that is what the program is intended for. Did you know that regarldless of how much "stuff" you purchase from weightwatchers, you won't actually lose any weight unless you follow their stinkin' plan? That just doesn't seem right.

We went to a meeting tonight for "waiting families" at our agency. It was mostly a waste of time but we showed our smiling faces, etc... etc... etc.... We absolutely love our caseworker and she was there, she asked us to go and that is mainly why we went. They pretty much told us stuff we already knew but we did get to see their statistics for children placed last year. Most of them were children ages 2 and younger.

Here's a disturbing thought. The intake worker for foster care said that she turns away opportunities to place infants on a regular basis bc she doesn't have enough families willing to take babies for foster care. That just sucks. We've talked about doing foster care, which could turn into an adoption but it is a higher risk. We could control some of that risk by only accepting placements that the workers thought had a good chance of turning into adoption, but it would our hearts on the line. Please pray for God's infinite wisdom and discernment on this matter. We're not sure what to do. It's incredibly scary.

0

The Biggest Loser

2006-01-22T20:52:00.000-08:00

As Brien and I were having our "last supper" tonight, we decided on a plan for weight loss. We have 6 weeks. At the end of the six weeks whoever has lost the highest percentage of body weight wins. Weigh in is first thing tomorrow morning. We'll weigh in every week and to keep us motivated, the loser each week has to do all of the laundry that week. Laundry usually only gets done ever 2 weeks around here so this a big deal.

Whoever is the "Biggest Loser" at the end of the six weeks gets to pick where we go for vacation this year. If Brien wins, I'll be doing some kind of hunting. If I win, he'll be accompanying me to Hollywood to look for movie stars. ha ha ha Also, the loser has to do all the laundry for a month.

I know it doesn't make much sense to weigh every day, but I'm going to do it every day and I'll post my numbers. Not the weight, just the number of pounds lost. Or gained, but hopefully not. ha ha ha

This should keep our minds occupied for a while. And don't worry, if he starts winning I'll start making his lunch again. she says as she grins wickedly

On Baking Potatoes

2006-01-21T21:26:00.000-08:00

Who knew it could be so hard to bake potatoes? I don't like potatoes from the microwave, they just don't seem to taste the same so I like mine cooked in the oven. The only thing is that I could never seem to get them done in time for dinner.

If I put the potatoes in at about 325 (which was the most popular answer I got when I asked people) for an hour, they were NEVER ready. If I cooked them for 2 hours, they STILL wouldn't be ready. So I tried 425 with no luck. The potatoes took FOREVER. I tried poking holes in them, not poking holes in them, putting a little water in the wrapping, not put water in the wrapping, cooking them for 1.5 hours at 350, cooking them for 1 hour at 425, cooking them for two hours at 375.....NOTHING worked.

My mom would probably love to tell you about the baked potatoes I cooked for Mother's Day last year. I was determined that they would be good since I was cooking for mom. The good news: they were done. The bad news: They were DONE. I put them in the oven before we left for church so they ended up cooking for about 3 hours. Let's just say we had cajun baked potatoes with our lunch that day.

Finally, a few weeks ago I decided to branch out on my own and I put the potatoes in the oven and set it to 500 degrees. Yes, you read that correctly, I said 500 DEGREES. I let them go for half an hour and then I turned it down to 450. They cooked for another hour at 450. Guess what? They were FABULOUS!

So, to everyone who says they cook their baked potatoes in the oven at 325 for one hour: LIARS! You cook them in the microwave and pass them off as oven cooked. And now I know your secret.

The point of this whole story is to say this: Tonight, I put the potatoes in at 500 and decided we'd cook them for one hour at 500 degrees. As I'm sitting in the den smelling that "something's burning" smell, this is what I was thinking: "hmmmm...i smell something burning. It's probably just the "drippings" at the bottom of the oven....I wonder how long it's been since we've cleaned that....it would suck if something really was burning and my oven blew up and burned the kitchen down....what would I do if I walked into the kitchen and there were flames shooting out?.....ooooh.. that would make a great blog........."

Yes, friends. My reaction to the thought of my kitchen burning down was not where the fire extinguisher was, but what I'd write in my blog. I'm sick. Really, really sick.

Three Down, Two to go

2006-01-20T12:34:00.000-08:00

I caved. I called M a little while ago and learned the following:

1yr old boy - local family chosen
4 month old boy - local family chosen
6 month old girl - her foster family decided to adopt her
1 yr old boy and 2 yr old girl siblings - families will be chosen next week for a four-way
2 yr old girl - still accepting homestudies so we have a ways to go before families are chosen.

I still think it would be awsome to get the siblings! Only time will tell.

Stalker free Canarries

2006-01-19T20:03:00.000-08:00

Today I realized that it has been almost a whole week since I have talked to M. (our case worker) If I can make it through tomorrow without calling her, it will be the first time since she became our case worker that I've gone a week without speaking with her. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but BELIEVE ME, it is HUGE.

The crazy part is that I haven't even thought much about calling her this week except today it just dawned on me that I hadn't talked to her. I usually spend a good part of each day talking myself down; telling myself why I shouldn't call her at that moment! ha.

I don't know why this week is different. I hope it is because I am learning to let go more and more and just trusting God with all the details. We'll just call it that, okay?

On a more interesting note, did you know that God loves you (especially you, HH)more than canaries? I love reading The Message (The Bible in contemporary language) and this is what I found today:

Luke 12:6-7
6 "What's the price of two or three pet canaries? Some loose change, right? But God never overlooks a single one. 7 And he pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail — even numbering the hairs on your head! So don't be intimidated by all this bully talk. You're worth more than a million canaries." (from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

Battle of the Bulge

2006-01-18T20:47:00.000-08:00

Since January 2, 2006, I have been watching what I eat. And I don't mean eating anything I want and just watching it go in my mouth, which is my usual habit. I've never blogged about dieting before because I don't want this to be about losing weight/getting in shape/eating healthy...bleh! But I can no longer resist the urge to tell you how much I hate trying to lose weight.

I've tried everything! I've counted calories, fat grams, carbs.....I no longer know what to eat and what not to eat. My latest plan has been to follow an 80-20 rule - I make healthier choices 80% of the time and eat what I want the other 20. You would think that since I am no longer eating crap 100% of the time that this plan would work, right? Maybe the weight won't come off overnight, but it should come off slowly, shouldn't it? Really, I'm making better choices.

I mean, take today for instance. I went to Chik fil a (this was a 20% lunch) and I ordered a grilled chicken wrap meal. I only ate the fries and drank the sweet tea - that was my lunch! I ate less, shouldn't that count? I'll have the wrap (minus the fries) tomorrow. OH, and I had fruit today. Bananna ice cream. And it was a small. So what's the problem? she says as she puts another chocolate kiss in her mouth

The Blog about Nothing

2006-01-16T22:01:00.000-08:00

There is absolutely nothing to report today. I woke up at the crack of 10:30am, cleaned the kitchen so I could cook and then went to the grocery store. When I got back, Brigitte and Barrett came over and I started cooking. I did a few loads of laundry. I rocked Barrett to sleep (twice) and that was the highlight of my day. He's so stinkin cute. Anyway, finished cooking, cleaned AGAIN, went out for a visit with friends and then back home for dinner with Brien. TV time, time spent thinking I should be cleaning my office...time spent laughing at that idea and channel surfing instead.

Wow. What a day. The show about nothing was a lot more interesting than the blog about nothing.

I'll try again tomorrow! :)

Intentional

2006-01-15T21:59:00.000-08:00

My thoughts today have been consumed with being intentional about my faith. The word intentional is defined as Done deliberately; intended.

So I keep asking myself, how can I be intentional about my faith? I get excited when I have an opportunity to share my faith with someone else whether it be through conversation or action. I get excited when i feel the Holy Spirit prodding me to be the hands and feet of Christ to someone. I wonder, though, why it is that I have to wait until I feel that prodding or until an opportunity just presents itself to me.

Okay, let's rewind a bit because you may already be confused - I know I am. :)

I believe with all my heart that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. I believe with all my heart that He died for us, that He rose again and that His deepest desire is to have a relationship with me. With you. With us. I believe what God tells us in Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'They are for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.'" I also believe that God wants me to be His hands and feet on Earth. To share His love with others - not just in words but also with my actions.

If I believe all that as I say I do, what am I intentionally doing to share that with others? Aside from teaching Sunday School or Bible Studies and things like that.... I'm talking about in my every day life; do I look for opportunities or do I just wait for them to occur? I want to be intentional about loving others.

Here's my plan. For one week, I am going to intentionally do at least one thing a day to be the hands and feet of Christ for someone else. Not because I'm a wonderful person, believe me when I say that all the good inside of me is only there because of Jesus. I wonder what God will teach me this week as I strive to live more intentionally.

Do you live intentionally?

I couldn't say it any better than this.....

2006-01-14T22:31:00.000-08:00

Rom 5:1-5

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,2 through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.3 And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance;4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope.5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
NKJV

Rom 5:1-5
By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us — set us right with him, make us fit for him — we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. 2 And that's not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand — out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.
3 There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, 4 and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. 5 In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary — we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!(from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)

From my Garden.....

2006-01-13T11:18:00.000-08:00

I love roses in January!

A Matter of Convenience

2006-01-13T08:42:00.000-08:00

In Austin today, there is a couple with no children who just learned they will parent a 5 month old baby girl. Can you imagine how excited they are? Let's pray for a smooth transition for all involved. It's wierd, I am only a tiny bit disappointed - I can't stop thinking about this other couple and how happy they must be.

Usually, when we get this news, I write tell you how God is in control and how He has a plan. You've heard all that before and you should know it by now, right? I don't need to repeat myself? It's just that I am amazed by how in control God really is. The worker for the child talked to THe Adoption Lady (my friend) and told her that the only reason they chose that family is because they are in the same city. (we are 2 hours away) She said it was a matter of convenience.

While that ticked The Adoption Lady off a little bit, I just kinda laughed and said, Convenience? No, that was God. There were too many people praying for this child and for us and for the whole thing - prayer does not result in convenience. God was there, friends. He was there when a family was picked for this little girl and He said this was not our child.

Last night, I fell asleep thinking of pink ribbons and bows and praying for God's perfect will. THis morning, I found out what His perfect will is, at least on this one child. THank You, God, for hearing our prayers and for blessing us with so many Christian friends who pray for us. Thank you for the child You have for us. We're okay with the waiting, we'll wait as long You want us to until Your timing is just right.

Now, God, what about the 1 and 2 yr old siblings? ha ha ha

Ps 113:2-92 Just to remember GOD is a blessing — now and tomorrow and always. 3 From east to west, from dawn to dusk,keep lifting all your praises to GOD!
4 GOD is higher than anything and anyone, outshining everything you can see in the skies. 5 Who can compare with GOD, our God,so majestically enthroned, 6 Surveying his magnificent heavens and earth? 7 He picks up the poor from out of the dirt,rescues the wretched who've been thrown out with the trash, 8 Seats them among the honored guests,a place of honor among the brightest and best. 9 He gives childless couples a family, 9gives them joy as the parents of children. (from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language)

Holy Moly

2006-01-12T11:18:00.000-08:00

So here's an update on what children we are submitted on:

4 month old boy - "could" hear which families are chosen for the four way by the end of this week
6 month old girl - waiting for families to be chosen for the four-way, case worker really liked our homestudy
1 yr old and 2 yr old siblings (previously reported both boys, but one is boy one is girl!) - caseworker was very excited about our homestudy, no word on when families will be chosen for the four way
1 yr old boy - caseworker doesn't return calls so no clue when family will be chosen - this one will not go to a four way, a family will be chosen by the worker
5 month old girl, this is the one we're calling Lily - should know whether or not we get her by end of day tomorrow

Phew. Anyone else feeling a bit overwhelmed after reading that?

Call Me Crazy

2006-01-11T21:00:00.000-08:00

Part of me feels like I jinx things when I admit them here. I know that's silly, I don't believe in "jinxing" but maybe I do ...... just a little. :)

See, on Monday I got an email from the Adoption Lady. She told me about a 5 month old baby girl I'm going to call Lily. I know, I'm leaving superheroes behind - let's face it, they never worked for me. Our homestudy has been submitted on Lily and we should find out by the end of the day Friday whether or not we've been chosen to parent her in a legal-risk adoption.

Because she does not live in our county, there will not be a four-way on her, just a family chosen. The Adoption Lady spoke with Lily's caseworker and is confident that we are being considered for this child. I think this is probably one of the better opportunities we've had - and I mean that from the perspective of having a chance at being chosen. (not better as in a "better" child because they are all precious)

Anyway, I know not to get too excited. I've been down that road before. But honestly, how can I help it? I'd rather have these small windows filled with hope and excitement than have just a boring, emotionless wait. Right? Some have asked me if I feel like "this is the one" and the answer is no. I have no feeling one way or the other but I"m not sure I ever will. I want this child. I've asked God for this child. I've also asked God to send her to the family that is best for her - not for us. That is the hardest part in all of this - realizing that no matter how much we may want something, what is best for the child is what matters most.

God knows our child(ren). I hope this is it but I will not settle for anything other than what God has for us. So I pray His will, not mine, is done.

I have to admit that what I hate most about not being selected for a child is having to tell people about it. It's one of the reasons I didn't want to say much about this situation but I can't help myself. I'm excited! I'm dreaming of pink dresses and ribbons and bows.........I can't stop myself. Not that I want to.

It's just so wierd to think that next week we could have a daughter. And if not next week, then one of these weeks........ I hope you will hang in there with me. I hope you can hold on tight enough to enjoy this ride with us and not get tired of the ups and downs. Welcome to our life.

God is good, friends. All the time. He has a plan and we're counting on it.

On a side note, please say a special prayer for my dad. He's finished his treatments and goes back to the doctor tomorrow to determine what's next. He's making lots of progress but not quite out of the woods yet.

Whose Life is This?

2006-01-11T20:53:00.000-08:00

Do you ever have those moments? You know, the ones where you look around and wonder whose house you're living in? Whose job you have? Whose car you're driving? Whose kids you're raising?

Sometimes I feel that way. I guess on the inside I just don't feel old enough to have a house or a car. I certainly don't feel old enough to have children. I wonder how I got here. When did life start happening so quickly?

For those of you who now think I'm schizophrentic (yes, i know it is spelled incorrectly but it's my other personality who knows how to spell), let me explain it another way. Have you ever been driving down the road and then just kinda "woke up" and not been able to remember the last few miles or so? Please tell me I'm not the only one this happens to.........

Anyway, I've had one of those days today. It just all seems surreal - my life and everything about it. Everything except Brien. I never wonder whose husband I'm married to and I never feel "out of place" with him. He belongs. We belong. Sometimes that is all I'm sure of.

DeLurking Week

2006-01-10T20:11:00.000-08:00

I read somewhere that it is delurking week. This means people everywhere, who normally read blogs without commenting, are supposed to "come out of the closet" and comment. Come on, you can do it! I could REALLY use a good distraction this week and maybe, just maybe I'll tell you about this special situation........once you delurk! Let's see who you are and where you're from. Feel free to use just your first name or even a pseudo name. Just tell me where you're from.

I have a site counter that shows how many hits this blog gets everyday. I'm not naive enough to believe that the 75 or so hits a day all come from different people. I know some of you visit multiple times in one day to see if I've updated, right? So I'm just curious to see if anyone else is reading. Encourage me. Let me know you're there. Make my day. Let's declare Wednesday, January 11, 2006 the official day of delurking for this blog. And if you miss Wednesday, then anytime this week will work!

Grammar, you've been quiet for a while, this would be a GREAT opportunity for you to come out of the closet! Oh, and i think the person who totally OUTED me with Brien's picture should definitely speak up, too! ha ha ha

Can't wait to see who you are and I hope you don't make me feel like a big loser by allowing me to have only a few comments from this post.

Pretty in Pink and God knows Best .......

2006-01-09T21:35:00.000-08:00

Pretty in Pink
It's amazing that he didn't wake up as the flash was going off, but here is the promised picture of Brien and the pink sheets. He'd be so thrilled to know this picture made the website. Good thing I married a guy with such a wonderful sense of humor! How I love this man! Edited to add: If you missed the picture of Brien sleeping on the pink sheets, you'll have to do without. He's had about all he can take! I think it was David's comment that pushed him over the edge....or maybe it was that I was laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my face as I told him what David's comment said.

God Knows Best

Before Christmas, our preacher preached on the virgin birth of Jesus. I know, I know. Everyone preached on that before Christmas. But this sermon was different, it was more about Elizabeth (the mother of John the Baptist) than it was about Mary.

Elizabeth and her husband, Zachariah wanted to have a child for many years but were unable to conceive. Luke 1:6-7 even says that they were righteous which gives us reason to believe that their "barreness" was not a punishment from God. (in those days, if a woman was unable to conceive, it was always seen as some sort of punishement from God)

Luke 1:6 Together they lived honorably before God, careful in keeping to the ways of the commandments and enjoying a clear conscience before God. 7 But they were childless because Elizabeth could never conceive, and now they were quite old. (from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language)

I know how hard it is to be barren in today's world; I can not imagine how difficult it must have been for Elizabeth and Zachariah back then. But their barreness wasn't about them at all...it was all part of God's plan. God wanted John the Baptist to be born at a very specific time so it all had to come together just perfectly. See, God was going to use John in a HUGE way...to "pave" the way for Jesus. To prepare people. He had a purpose for Elizabeth's infertility.

Luke 1:13-17
13 But the angel reassured him, "Don't fear, Zachariah. Your prayer has been heard. Elizabeth, your wife, will bear a son by you. You are to name him John. 14 You're going to leap like a gazelle for joy, and not only you — many will delight in his birth. 15 He'll achieve great stature with God."He'll drink neither wine nor beer. He'll be filled with the Holy Spirit from the moment he leaves his mother's womb. 16 He will turn many sons and daughters of Israel back to their God. 17 He will herald God's arrival in the style and strength of Elijah, soften the hearts of parents to children, and kindle devout understanding among hardened skeptics — he'll get the people ready for God."(from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language)

God has a purpose for everything and for everyone. Regardless of what we face in our lives, whether it be infertility or some other hardship, God knows what He's doing. Our job is to trust Him even when we don't understand it.

We trust God to bring us the child(ren) He has for us. Our waiting is frustrating and even gets depressing, but God knows what He is doing. Everything has to come together perfectly for His plan to work and we will wait as long as it takes.

What are you willing to wait on God for in your own life?

Something Good IS happening

2006-01-09T10:12:00.000-08:00

I told you something exciting was going to happen this week. We have another opportunity that I just found out about this morning. I've decided to celebrate these opportunities as they arise because, let's face it, opportunities are all we've got right now! ha ha ha

I'm not ready to blog about it but will let you know if something develops. Just be praying for God's perfect will for another precious child.

WE'RE HAVING A BABY!

2006-01-08T20:50:00.000-08:00

Not really, but I don't have anything exciting to say so I thought I'd start with that. The weekend was relaxing and restful and the weather was beautiful. Have I mentioned lately that I love living in Houston?

Something VERY exciting happened last week and I can't believe I forgot to blog about it. Thursday night, in our bedroom, something I've dreamed of for a long time happened. Now that I have your attention again, I'll tell you that we slept on the HOT PINK SHEETS I got for Christmas! I don't know why sheets make me so happy, but they just do - I guess it's the little things, right?

While I love my sheets, I must admit that when I got into bed (Brien is usually asleep by the time I go to bed) and looked over at Brien all cuddled up with HOT PINK SHEETS, it creeped me out a little bit. Brien is a manly man who loves to be outside, loves to fix things, build things, destroy things...etc... He won't wear pink in any shade and he would kill me if I told you that I'd dragged him along to get a pedicure (and made him get one too) one time. Ooops! So he just looked funny in the hot pink sheets. Adorable, but funny.

I've got this feeling that something wonderful is going to happen this week and I can't wait to see what it is. God is up to something. I know what you're thinking - I didn't say it had anything to do with a child, I just said something wonderful is going to happen this week. So if something wonderful happens to you, be sure to tell me about it!

Cheesey Alert...

2006-01-06T08:03:00.000-08:00

Here are the photos of the scrapbook pages - I know they are cheesey but I like them that way. If you notice the two major errors, please don't point them out because I'm already self-concious about them and struggling to keep myself from doing them over again.

And the second pages:

No feelings hurt if you don't show up on the friends or families page. We went with the people we see most often and what photos we had.

Scrapbooking....AGAIN

2006-01-05T20:38:00.000-08:00

After spending several hours working on the first set of scrapbook pages for our adoption agency, I was asked to do them again. The first ones were all done electronically so that they could be easily photocopied; this is what we were asked to do. M called the other day and suggested I do real pages since it is listed as one of my hobbies; she said she really thought it would set us apart from the rest when they are reviewing our information in a four way.

When I sit down to do scrapbooking, I turn in to a complete freak. I live in a house that is usually messy. I drive a car that is usually messy. My office is rarely organized. But my scrapbook pages are perfect. Every piece of paper serves a purpose and has its place and I know right where I want it. It takes me hours to complete pages; in fact, today it took me about 6 hours to finish 6 pages and I had mom helping me. (Thanks again, Mom, you're the best!) That time did NOT include the time it took for the pictures to print.

It's crazy! I suddenly want everything right where it's "supposed" to be. If you look at the pages, you can definitely tell which ones were done first. They get a little sloppier as I get more and more tired with each passing hour. O well, it is finished and I'm very pleased. Maybe I'll take some pictures and post them later because I'm sure you want to spend your time look at photos of my scrapbook pages. Has it really come down to just this?

If you aren't asleep from this post, you should be. I gotta get a life. Anyone know which store has them on the clearance rack this week?

Another Day in Paradise

2006-01-04T10:09:00.000-08:00

On Monday, Brien and I went to the park to enjoy the 75 degree weather, no clouds, beautiful sunny day we were having. It was wonderful to be sprawled out on a blanket soaking up the rays on January 2. Today, is another wonderful 75 degree day and I'm so glad to live in Texas.

Isn't it nice to get surprises? Not that 75 degrees in January in Texas is THAT much of surprise, but you never know when those days will come. Most people in North America are experiencing much colder weather and many are even shoveling snow. I'm sure our days will soon return to the freezing point of 55 degrees (smirk) but for now, we're enjoying the surprise of Spring in the Winter.

God's funny like that. In every season of life we can be surprised with God's goodness and grace. I wonder how often He blesses us and we just miss it? Even in a season of trials and/or grief, God gives us Spring days to remind us of His immense love for us. I hope I'm always able to recognize the good things God gives me. I hope I always choose to praise Him for Spring days in the Januaries of my life and even praise him for the Januaries.

In what surprising way have you seen God bless you recently?

Adoption Update

2006-01-04T09:47:00.000-08:00

Well, I talked to M this morning and here is the latest we've been submitted on:

4 month old boy - no updates
6 month old girl - no updates
1 yr old boy and 2 yr old boy siblings - just submitted
1 yr old boy - just submitted

None of these have chosen families for the four way yet. So we're a long way away from being selected. But progress is progress.

Calling all Christmas Decorators....

2006-01-03T20:40:00.000-08:00

It's JANUARY! TAKE DOWN YOUR DECORATIONS!

Okay, so it comes as no big surprise that we are too lazy to put lights up for Christmas. One of the main reasons we don't is because we know it would take us forever to get them down again. We'd be one of those annoying houses with Christmas lights on it in July.

So here is the official memo for everyone with Christmas lights still on their house. TAKE THEM DOWN. Now. Before it becomes an epidemic and all your neighbors decide to leave theirs up as well. It's okay to leave them up for a week after Christmas but once January 1 rolls around, it's time to drag the ladder out of the garage and take care of business. And if you happen to still have lights on your house, for goodness sakes, LEAVE THEM OFF. Don't turn them on at night - they aren't pretty in January.

Am I the only person annoyed by this?

Voice of Truth

2005-12-31T15:35:00.000-08:00

My one New Year's resolution is to try harder to listen to the voice of Truth. We receive so many different messages from society, from our friends and even from our families that just don't always accurately represent God's truth.

It's so easy to listen to the different voices whose words echo in our hearts at our weakest moments. Voices that tell us we're not good enough, not thin enough, not handsome enough, not rich enough, not famous enough, not active enough, not trying enough, not sharing enough, not anything enough....... God is ENOUGH. His Voice is the only one that matters.

I've been challenged on my faith in this adoption process. People who say that we should pursue private adoption because of all the scary things they know about foster care adoption. People who say we should adopt overseas so that the birthparents can never find the child. People who say we should pursue additional fertility treatment and not "give up". (I find this statement particularly insulting - like adoption is giving up) But God's voice is calling us to foster care adoption. His Truth is leading us to the child He has for us.

You see, it doesn't matter how long it takes. We are willing to wait on God. And we know that when we get the child(ren) He has for us, we'll be so grateful we didn't get any of the others. God's plan is so much better than ours ever could be. We may not understand all of the steps along the way, but God sees the big picture.

The words of this song are very close to my heart. Although we don't always understand the situation we're in or the circumstances that are upon us, we can be sure that it can all be used to glorify God.

"... The Voice of Truth tells me a different story. The Voice of Truth, says 'Do not be afraid.' The Voice of Truth says 'This is for my Glory'...... out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe....the Voice of Truth."

Happy New Year Friends.

May God Bless you and keep you.
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

-Irish Blessing

On Friends....

2005-12-30T08:51:00.000-08:00

As we approach New Year's Eve, I am reminded of people who have come and gone in my life. I was blessed with good friends when I was younger and some of those friends have even carried over into my adult life. I'm so grateful for the friendships I grew up with and so grateful for the people who know my story and love me anyway. Talking to an old friend is like curling up in your favorite pj's on a rainy day. I love the people in my life I can talk to occasionally and we pick up right where we left off. They keep my humble, reminding where I came from and where my roots are.

I'm also thankful for new friends I've made over the last few years - they keep me hopeful of what is yet to come. As we plan our families together and talk about parenting, I'm just overwhelmed with gratitude. God has given me so many gifts but I especially treasure my friends.

I love that I have people to walk through life with. Don't get me wrong, my husband is the best friend I could ever hope for and I wouldn't trade him for the world. But my girlfriends bring something into my life that no man ever could and I'm not sure I can even give that a name. It's not better, just different. Life is richer when you have good friends.

As we cross over into 2006, I feel a significant transformation taking place within us. We are crossing over into parenthood (or will be shortly). Our lives are changing and things that were once so important suddenly pale in comparison to crib bedding, spit up and diapers. And I couldn't be happier. As I watch my friends experience pregnancy and childbirth (okay, i didn't technically witness the childbirth) and as we plan for our family through adoption, I realize that we're all changing. We're all growing.

I just couldn't imagine doing all of this on our own. Starting this new chapter in our lives without friends who are on the same path would be so lonely. And scary. So as we ring in the New Year I'd like to stop and thank God for the many friends we've been blessed with over the years. Some of you have been with me since the first grade, others of you only a few short months. I love each and every one of you. Some have long since come and gone, only walking through a season of life with me and I'm also grateful for you.

You see, everyone I meet brings joy into my life. Some when they come into it and some when they leave. ha ha ha Sorry, I just remembered that bumper sticker and I couldn't resist. Have a great New Year!

5 wierd Things

2005-12-29T08:48:00.000-08:00

So JettyBetty tagged me and I'm supposed to write down 5 weird habits that I have and then tag 5 more people to do the same.

This works out great for me because I've kinda hit a blogging wall and now I have something to write about.

So here goes 5 wierd habbits:

Blogging is a wierd habbit - i have this desire to share my "story" which isn't always interesting to anyone but me
I must have ketchup with my scrambled eggs
When eating gumbo, I have to have potato salad but the potato salad goes IN the gumbo not on another plate next to it. (guess that's not too wierd if you're from Louisiana)
I call home to check my messages obsessively
I sleep with four pillows

Sorry, nothing too exciting.

In other news, we've been submitted on a four month old baby boy. So, right now we're waiting to see if we go to the four way on a four month old baby boy and a 6 month old baby girl. I know. I know. I said no adoption news this week but what I can say? These things just happen. As soon as I say it will go one way, it goes another.

Dead Week

2005-12-27T18:25:00.000-08:00

I'm not quite ready to rejoin the "real world" yet. Although our Christmas weekend was very hectic, I enjoyed the business and being around so much of our family.

This week between Christmas and New Year's often feels like a wasteland. The new year hasn't yet begun but Christmas is over and there are only a few days remaining. I don't know why it feels like a "nothing" week but that is how I've always thought of it. Christmas and New Year's are so big and the week in between just kinda gets lost. I mean, really? Does anything exciting EVER happen between Christmas and New Year's?

I'm sure there is a lesson in here somewhere about making every day count and I could fill this page with something inspirational to motivate you to turn this week into an amazing adventure.......but I'm just not feeling it. I say, take the week off. Even if you have to be at work, work as little as you can get away with and spend your days dreaming of all the wonderful things 2006 will bring. Then plan to make them happen.

Blow this week off and enjoy the slower pace for the few remaining days of 2005. You deserve it and even if you don't deserve it, take it anyway! You'll make up for it next year, won't you? I'm taking off this week. The last few days have been virtually "adoption stress" free and I'm going to continue that. I'll assume nothing noteworthy will happen between now and next year so I'm just not going to think about it. We'll return to the usual adoption related posts after the New Year.....or not. We'll just wait and see what mood strikes me.

In the meantime, go ahead and tell me what your resolutions are. I have only one. But I won't tell you what it is until you tell me yours. :)

This is just a test

2005-12-27T09:20:00.000-08:00

....if it were a real emergency, you would receive instructions on how to respond. We will return to your regular scheduled blog shortly.

Christmas was very busy and wonderful. We enjoyed spending time with all of our families and had lots of fun playing with all the kids. I'm still recooperating from the madness and will write more later. For now, I'm just taking an extended break. :)

I hope everyone had a MARVELOUS Christmas.

Away in a Manger

2005-12-21T21:51:00.000-08:00

I'm so excited for Christmas. This year I have been given a very special gift. I have a deeper understanding of what it means to anticipate the coming of a child. As we plan and wait and prepare for our child, we are reminded this time of year that long ago others were anticipating the birth of our Savior. It's hard to imagine Jesus as a real, living, tiny baby tucked away in a manger upon His arrival on Earth.

This has been an everpresent thought this past week and it's really helped me to focus on what we are celebrating and why we are celebrating it. In honor of Christmas, of Jesus' birthday, I'm going to share with you a very special adoption story. A story that started several hundreds of years ago in a manger filled with hay.

4 More Shopping Days?

2005-12-20T22:26:00.000-08:00

Seriously? Only FOUR more shopping days until Christmas? How does this happen? I ordered several gifts from target.com and they haven't arrived yet. One package "should" have been here by the 19th the other "should" be here by the 23rd. I'm going to scream if I am one of those people shopping on Christmas Eve. In fact, I think tomorrow I'm going to actually go to Target and purchase the same items that I ordered. Just in case.

So why didn't I just do that in the first place? Well, that would have been too easy.

Fringe Benefits

2005-12-20T09:30:00.000-08:00

Working with the youth at church certainly has its benefits. This is only one of them:

So good job, guys. Thanks for initiating us as this is the fist time we've been hit. I just have a few words of advice for you:

After you leave the scene of the crime, DO NOT drive by again - ESPECIALLY if you drive a bright red scion and it's 1am. Not many people on the neighborhood roads then and you're very easy to spot.
When choosing your partners in crime, choose people who won't cave when cornered. IE: Intern
When the person whose house you wrapped last night promised you they won't tell if you rat out your friends, NEVER believe them. They will say anything to assign proper credit to the perpetrators. Intern, I'm actually glad you didn't know this rule! Thanks!
Finally, lock your car doors at ALL times. Hide your car when you park in public places and watch your trees at night. We're coming for you.

Linnsie, Blake and Courtney, Thanks for making it "snow" at our house last night. We were really hoping for a White Christmas. We love you and can't wait to return the favor! Thanks for spreading the love.

Pink Christmas

2005-12-18T21:03:00.000-08:00

All things pink. That's the way I'd paint the world, if I had my choice. Hot pink trees with varied pink colored leaves, soft pink grass and electric pink clouds. I can't imagine a better way to see the world than if everything were pink. I'd love to paint our bedroom hot pink with soft pink polka dots, but Brien is dead against it. I am hoping he will cave and buy me hot pink sheets for our bed this Christmas. (Don't worry, he won't let me change our bedspread to pink)

Since I can't paint the world pink, I'll have to settle for a pink Christmas. I don't know how much you can see in the picture, but everything hanging on our tree is pink. All presents are wrapped in pink. Karen even gave me a hot pink micro bead pillow and the tree topper, which I will proudly wear to church on Christmas day, is compliments of Brigitte. Do I have the best friends or what?

Pink Princess Santa

2005-12-16T18:34:00.000-08:00

Some images need no words.

Wal-marting is a sport

2005-12-15T23:30:00.000-08:00

It's 1:30am and I just got home from Wal-Marting. Did you know that was a recreational activity in the South? definition: Wal-Marting: the act of going to Wal-Mart in the middle of the night and spending too much money on things you don't want because it's so late you're delirious. (a favorite sport for college students everywhere) I realized tonight that I am no longer in college and not only does my body stop cooperating in public after midnight, but my mind also gives out on me.

Thanks to my favorite (insert self-given politically incorrect nickname here) friend for tagging along. You know who you are. :)

Thankfully, I got lots of good stocking stuffers and candy, some of that candy may even make it to the stockings. At mom's house, we have a tradition of stuffing these enormous stockings with lots of goodies and lots of crapola. The adults don't usually exchange big gifts (except with the parentals) but we contribute to one another's stockings. It's a lot of fun and I look forward to the stockings more than I do the gift exchanges most of the time.

As we spend what we hope is our last Christmast without children....and I really, really mean it this time..ha ha ha.....I can't help but think about what traditions we want to start with our kids on Christmas morning. I'd like to find a unique way to invite Jesus to be part of the celebration but I'm not sure how to do that. Maybe reading the Christmas story before opening presents or something. I'm open for ideas here.

Here I go with the questions again. Use the comments to respond, you guys have been pretty quiet lately! :(

What, if anything, does your family do to really make sure Jesus is part of your Christmas?

What is the best gift you've ever given to another person?

What is the best gift you've ever received from another person?

What is your favorite Christmas tradition?

Wow and WOW on THankful Thursday

2005-12-15T10:33:00.002-08:00

I'm speechless right now and that doesn't happen very often. I'm at a loss for words because I'm so overwhelmed with God's Grace.

Okay, ^ that was me being speechless. But I figure it doesn't have the same affect when I'm writing. Anyway, there are so many people praying for Brien and I and I'm constantly amazed when I hear of someone else. God knows our hearts, He knows our desires and sometimes it's hard to keep going to Him with the same thing over and over again. I don't worry when we can't because I know you are beseeching Him on our behalf. Whoa...beseeching is a big word. Did I use it correctly? Grammar? You've been quiet for a while? I need you now.

Sometimes I can literally feel your prayers. I know you are praying because I can see the evidence of it in my heart. I just feel it and I'm not sure it is something I can explain. So thank you. EAch and every one of you, from the depths of our hearts, thank you. We pray that God will pour out His richest blessings on you this Christmas.

I got to help out with a luncheon yesterday that was put together for several foster moms from our agency. It was amazing to hear their stories and see how God is blessing them as they bless the little ones who need a place to call home. These women LOVE these kids. Even if it is only for a short time, they LOVE them as though they were their own. I can't imagine how hard it would be for a child to be away from his/her family at Christmas. REgardless of the situation at home, those kids will be sad. Say a special prayer for them today, please.

Oh, and one last thing in this hodge podge of a post, I will be posting pictures of the most beautiful pink Christmas tree very soon. IT's not actually pink (unfortunately) but the decorations are all pink!

I am losing my mind. This is Thankful THursday and what I meant to point out earlier when I was rambling about how wonderful you all are.....

I am most thankful today for you. For all of you pray for us, who are following our story and who just care. We are grateful for you and we appreciate you. God is working in our lives and He is far from finished. It's not about us but it is ALL about Him and His plan and His purpose. Thanks for sharing in our journey. We heart you!

Wow and WOW on THankful Thursday

2005-12-15T10:33:00.001-08:00

O Christmas Tree

2005-12-12T21:17:00.000-08:00

We're supposed to get our Christmas tree tomorrow night. Since neither of us is really into decorating this year, I have an idea it will look more like a Christmas bush but that's okay with me. I'll get the lights down and put them on the tree but I don't think I'll even get the decorations out because, well....I'm just lazy.

You see, Brien and I both suffer from the disease. It's called can't-get-my-butt-off-the-couch-to-do-anything-itis. For short, we call it why-do-today-what-you-can-do-tomorrow-itis. We know that whatever we put up today will have to be taken down one day, relatively soon after Christmas. Unless we want to turn into that house that just leaves Christmas up all year round.

Uh Oh. I just remembered something. We do have ONE Christmas decoration out already, sitting in the window in our kitchen. It is a snowman that is about the size of a wine bottle - in fact, it could be used to "wrap" a wine bottle, it's wooden and very cute. Brien's mom gave it to us for Christmas and it has been sitting in our kitchen since then. Last year, I think. Crap. It may have been the year before.

This is why we don't decorate for Christmas. If we put lights on our house, we'd be the neighbors everyone talked about because they keep their lights on all year round. I mean, why take them down if you're just going to put them back up about 240 days later? Not to worry, when we have kids that are old enough to "get it", we'll go all out. We'll have the biggest Christmas tree, the most obnoxious lights and we'll be the last ones to take it all down every year.

Anyway, back to the Christmas tree we're getting tomorrow night. I decided I wanted a tree this year because I found hot pink wrapping paper at Target and I can't wait to wrap all the presents and put them under the tree! If I can find some cheap pink colored glass balls, I may just decorate the tree afterall.

Some of you may not know about my obsession with the color Pink. I love all things pink. The brighter the pink, the better. I'm not into the Pepto pink - I prefer hot pink and if it's fuzzy, it's even better. I don't know when this happened to me. I used to be obsessed with the color yellow - bright yellow. THen one day I woke up and it was pink. And now I'm writing about it which makes me wonder if I need to see a shrink.

7 Things

2005-12-11T18:51:00.000-08:00

I was tagged by Travis so now I get to list seven things on seven things:

Seven things to do before I die:

Have a child(ren) to call our own
Watch that child(ren) grow in Christ
See the Grand Canyon
Write a Bible Study
Write a book
Foster/adopt an older (teen) child
Get skinny again!

Seven things I can not (or will not) do:

Lose my faith in Christ
Sky dive
Get on one of those tunnel like water slides
Use credit cards
Sing well
Model men's underwear
smoke crack

Seven things that attract me to my spouse:

He loves Jesus
He puts others first
He loves his family
He's funny
He listens well
He doesn't care what people think
He's hot!

Seven things I say most often:

"What'cha doin'?"
"That's amazing"
"That's crazy"
"Helloh-oooo"
"okay"
"um"
"we're getting close...could be any day now...we'll let you know" *wink

Seven books (or series) I love:

The Bible
Almost anything by Nora Roberts
"Odd Thomas" by Dean Koontz
"Daughter of Fortune" by Isabell Allende
"I know this much is true" by Wally Lamb
"We were the Mulvaneys" (i think that was the last name)
"Johnny Angel" by Danielle Steel

Seven movies I watch over and over again (or would if I had the time):

When Harry met Sally
Where the Heart Is
Hope Floats
A Cinderella Story
Mona Lisa Smiles
Savannah Smiles
Diary of a Mad Black Woman

Seven people I want to join in too:

Hot Date

2005-12-11T06:37:00.000-08:00

So last night I had a hot date with the cutest little boy! Brigitte let me keep Barrett for the whole night and he was so much fun. Brien and I went out to eat with him and this little old lady and her husband stopped by our table as they were leaving and asked if he (Barrett) was that good at home, too. Ofcourse he is, we said....ha ha ha Then she said that he sure was a handsome little fellow and that he must take after his parents. I laughed and said that we sure thought he did! Ha!

Part of me was kinda hoping that Barrett would be really fussy and wake up a lot during the night so that I wouldn't be in so much of a hurry to get our own little one. No such luck. Barrett is a perfect baby! He went to sleep about 9pm, woke up around midnight for a quick diaper change and then went right back to sleep until 8 this morning! Who could ask for more?

And his little smile is so irresistable, don't you think?

Whew!

2005-12-09T22:41:00.000-08:00

Even though I know we won't be getting our child(ren) before Christmas, I still wonder many times throughout the day if the phone might ring..... In fact, every time the phone rings I imagine it is M calling to tell me that we've been selected for .......etc... I feel like a 15 year old with her first serious crush, just waiting for him to call... ha ha ha

I know, I need to get out more. Getting selected for a four way and then not getting chosen feels kinda like a 16 year old pimple-faced, overweight boy/girl trying to get a date for the prom. The rejection is brutal, regardless of the reason. And for both Goldilocks and Spiderman, there were good reasons. With Goldilocks, there was a family who already knew her and spent time with her and that was a much better choice for that child. With Spiderman, M (our case worker) said that it was only us and one other family being considered. (so not only did we LOSE, but we lost when we had a 50/50 chance of winning.......I HATE losing) Anyway, in that situation, the other family was working directly with CPS - M said she knew their mind was made up before she even walked in the door.

The caseworker for Spiderman did express some concern about us..about me specifically. (thank you very much) I have a problem with one of the discs in my lower back - nothing major but in my home study it says that I can lift "up to twenty pounds". The other worker was "afraid I may not be able to lift the child if I was home alone with him." WHATEVER! M was so ticked off about this because it isn't at all what was meant in the homestudy. We got my doctor to write a letter explaining the nature of the problem and stating that it in NO way limits my day to day activities in caring for myself or my children. So that shouldn't ever come up again. Bleh.

The good news is that all of these little things are just things God is using to get us to the child He has for us. I believe that with all my heart.

Now that I have already started a novel with this post, I may as well keep going, right? The title is "Whew" because when Friday evening rolls around I know I have two whole days to relax and not worry about whether or not my phone will ring. CPS is pretty much shut down on the weekends so I won't be getting any calls. I know the Bible says, "Do not worry about anything, but in everything, with prayer and petition submit your requests to God." I'm working on that, really, I am.

I am still a work in progress, afterall.

Striptease

2005-12-08T20:18:00.000-08:00

My wonderful redneck husband is not a fan of cold weather. Today, it was in the upper 20's and lower 30's all day and Brien works outside quite a bit - you have to understand that this weather is not at all typical for Houston, not even in December. We get a few days in a row of this and then won't see it again for a few weeks. In fact, I can remember several Christmases where I went outside in my shorts to play!

Although this is probably more than you want to know, it's an important part of the story. Brien always strips down to his skivies in the living room. (God bless our neighbors who might happen by our house and catch a glimpse of the sexiest potbellied redneck alive - since we have a WINDOW in our front door) Anyway, as he's sitting on the couch in his jeans and his t-shirt over his turtle neck (I never claimed he had fashion sense) he decides it's time for his shower and then bed. He stands up and takes off his t-shirt, then he takes off the turtle neck and I started giggling. Because underneath the turtleneck was ANOTHER turtle neck and I could see the hem of another tshirt below that! So he went to work today in FOUR shirts plus his jacket. And I wonder why we have so much laundry in the winter.

A Virtual Christmas

2005-12-08T09:37:00.000-08:00

When I woke up this morning, I had barely started my Christmas shopping. Only two things from my list were purchased and now, just a couple of hours later, I'm almost finished! Thank you, God, for online shopping and free shipping!

Miracle on 34th st

2005-12-07T22:04:00.000-08:00

Well, not really on 34th street....but on OUR street. One day our miracle will come. It would take a MIRACLE for it to happen before Christmas, what is it? 18 more days or something like that? "The System" just doesn't work that fast. BUt I know that when we do get our miracle, we won't even remember the pain of waiting.

It's kinda like childbirth. I've heard a lot of women say that they just don't remember how painful the birth really was. I guess you could say we're in labor right now. ha ha

Anyway, although the two boys we were submitted on have already been placed (okay, so sometimes the system does move quickly), we're still holding on to Hope. I know Hope is not a super hero's name and I know I'm not supposed to name them until we are selected for the four way. But, it's Christmas and right now Hope is all we have. Both in Christ and in this opportunity He has given us. So we'll hold on to Hope through the holidays and perhaps be able to start the new year with a new family.

Hope is a 6 month old baby girl. I'll let you know when we hear whether or not we've been chosen to go to the four-way.

While you're here, go ahead and pray for the two boys who have been placed. Pray for a smoothe transition for them.

Sufficient Grace

2005-12-07T09:40:00.000-08:00

So this morning I returned all of the crib bedding my mom bought. Ya, that pretty much was the low point of my morning. I HATED taking it back. But I only have 90 days to return it after the purchase date and time was running short. Now we'll just wait until we find out if we're getting a boy or a girl or both and then buy the appropriate bedding.

Thanks for your emails, phone calls, comments and text messages of prayer and support. It means the world to me. God's Grace is amazing - it is because of Him that our hearts continue on this journey. It isn't our faith, or anything else about us that is spectacular - it's ALL about HIM. God's love for us is so much bigger than we could ever imagine.

He knows our hearts will break long before it happens and I believe that His breaks right along with ours. Before the four-way yesterday, God presented another opportunity of hope. Our homestudy being submitted on two boys (siblings). It gave me something to hang on to when we lost Spiderman.

This morning, God gave us another opportunity of hope. A baby girl our homestudy will be submitted on.

As I sulk about another Christmas without children, I can't help but think of the many kids - older kids - in the foster care system. They are spending another Christmas without a forever family because so few are willing to embrace them into their families. Please lift those kids up in prayer today. And pray for the people working so hard to find them families. Pray for more families to step up and adopt them. I hope one day Brien and I will adopt older kids. I have such a special place in my heart for teenagers, especially at risk teens. I know that now is the time for us, but I do think it will come one day. Maybe by then I'll have convinced Brien. ha ha ha

2 Corinthians 12:8-10 says, "Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Do you know how much God loves you? Do you long to feel that peace that surpasses all understanding? Do you know what it means to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? He wants so much to give it to you.

God is Good

2005-12-06T13:54:00.000-08:00

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Spiderman is going home for Christmas, but not to our home. He's not the one God has for us. Surprisingly, I'm okay. Really, I am. I was praying last night that God would send us a baby for Christmas and He quickly reminded me that He already did. "For unto us a child is born" A long time ago, in a manger filled with hay. That's enough for me.

We are being submitted on a sibling group - two boys, but I'm not going to write about that until or unless we get closer. We are hopeful.

Please pray for us, as facing another Christmas without children is going to be difficult, to say the least. It's the hardest time of the year for those who desperately want children and don't have them. Pray for all couples facing that this year.

One of my favorite songs ever is by Matt Redman. Part of it says exactly what I'm feeling right now:

"You give and take away, You give and take away.
Still my heart will choose to say, Lord, Blessed be Your name."

What a Weekend

2005-12-05T09:24:00.000-08:00

I don't even know where to start. This picture was taken our first night in NYC in the lobby of our hotel, The Waldorf Astoria. The hotel was amazing and there were lots of beautiful people walking through the lobby in formal wear. I'm sure we stuck out like soar thumbs, but we didn't care at all - our blue jeans and tennis shoes were fancy enough for us. Although we did read in our hotel room book that tennis shoes were not permitted in the lobby. ha ha ha

Karen wasn't feeling so well from her flight (see re-enactment on the right) so Brigitte and I were on our own most of Friday night. As we were walking back to the hotel, we noticed a huge Nextel/Nascar flag flying in front and we wondered what the deal was. Well, we soon discovered that the "deal" was the Nascar Awards were being held in our hotel that evening. Many of the beautiful people in our lobby were race car drivers, team owners, etc..... Unfortunately, I wouldn't have recognized any of them on the spot, though we did see some interesting people. And since we've been home, we've been perusing the Nascar website and have identified some of them.

God bless Karen for forgetting her toothbrush. Brigitte and I were supposed to get her one while we were out but it got really cold and there wasn't a pharmacy between the subway stop and the hotel. So we decided we'd just get one at the hotel but we got up to the room and had forgotten it. Back down we went, in our jeans and plain shirts with tennis shoes. As we're waiting for the elevator, the emcee of the Nascar event, Jay Mohr walks up with his date, Nikki Cox - if you watch the show "Las Vegas" you know her as Mary. Brigitte and I exchanged looks and both knew what the other was thinking, "we're getting on that elevator" and we did. Though we were the only people not dressed in formal wear, we rode the elevator and listened to Jay Mohr as he jokingly promoted his new book.

I'm sure you don't want to hear the play by play of the entire trip, so I'll just give you some highlights:

Brigitte got fresh with Sponge Bob

View from our room (if you turn your head to the side, sorry, I'm too lazy to rotate it)

We ate at Serendipity (again with the head turning)

We had a blast. So much fun. I'm so grateful to have such wonderful friends that I can spend a weekend laughing with. "I thank God when I remember you."

NYC Bound

2005-12-02T02:31:00.000-08:00

It is 4:30am and I can't believe alarms can even be set this early. We're headed out to NYC - WOO HOO!

I'm sure I'll have lots of pictures to share when we get back.

NYC here we come

2005-12-01T13:50:00.000-08:00

We're definitely going to NYC. Definitely not getting Grace. The really good news is that she is going to parents that she already knows. One of the families being considered is friends with the foster family and so she already knows them. This will make her transition much easier. Praise God for that.

We're holding out for Spiderman now. Tuesday, Dec. 6 we get to do this ALL over again! ha ha ha...

Do you want to know?

2005-12-01T13:05:00.000-08:00

......so do I. It's 3:07 and still no call. So we're waiting. Patiently. ya, right.

What a Day

2005-11-30T20:15:00.000-08:00

It started off with a haircut and then I went to help Brigitte get Barrett's Christmas pictures taken. Who knew how much work it took to get a 3 month old to smile for a few pictures. I know we looked like complete fools dancing and singing and goo-gooing at him trying to get the little stinker to smile. It was all worth it, though, because his pictures are absolutely adorable!

I had Barrett with me in Foley's when my cell phone rang and it was my case worker. That's when she changed my whole day by telling me about the four-way for Goldilocks. It was so much fun - such an adreniline rush that I was actually shaking. I know you think i'm nuts and, well, I am. But that's besides the point. I was just caught so off guard and was feeling giddy - I tried to call Brien but he didn't answer his phone so i left him a message and went off to look for Brigitte. I found her near the elevators and just blurted it all out - "we're going to the four-way TOMORROW on the little girl." After that, I just couldn't think straight. I had to give Brigitte my receipt and card so she could exchange some jeans for me.

I know what some of you are probably thinking.....don't get your hopes up in case this isn't the one. I know that logically that would make sense. But there is nothing logical about a mother's love and I already love my child. I just don't know who that child is yet. I can't stop myself from getting excited.

And if it isn't Goldilocks, I'll be just as giddy and excited next week when it's time for Spiderman's four-way. And if it's not Spiderman, then we'll be just as excited the next time. Our hearts will break with each child that is not ours, but they will also mend. In the end, it will be worth it.

You may be wondering what the process is after tomorrow. I'm not going to give you all the possible scenarios because God showed us last time that we just don't know what will or could happen. I do know that God is in control and we'll get the child(ren) He has for us.

If we are chosen for Goldilocks tomorrow, I'm not sure how long it will be before she is placed with us. The judge overseeing her case may want to read our homestudy or we may be able to begin visits right away. If I understand correctly, if the judge does need to read our homestudy before a placement is made, then I think we'll still go to the four-way on Spiderman.

I did express to M, our case worker, today that we don't want to be in a situation where we have to choose one over the other. We just can't do that. Ofcourse, I want them both but I don't think that's an option since they aren't siblings.

One way or another, our life will change tomorrow. We'll be one step closer to our child, either to Goldilocks, Spiderman, or another child He has for us. Either way, tomorrow is one day closer.

Thank You, God. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. We want the child(ren) You have for us. Nothing less, nothing else and nothing more.

Brigitte is coming over tomorrow to try and keep my occupied while we wait. SO leave me lots of comments, questions, etc.... so we'll be entertained.

Oh, and by the way, to the person who thinks I blog because I don't have a life....I do have a life. It's so interesting, I am inspired to share it with others! :) ha ha ha

NYC or Baby?

2005-11-30T12:42:00.000-08:00

WOW! Was I surprised to hear from my case worker today telling me that we are going to a four-way TOMORROW on Goldilocks. She also told me that Goldilocks is now 13 months old. So, TOMORROW, we find out if we have a daughter named Grace. You have to go and read that post, you'll see why when you read it. My first ever post was about a child I called "Grace" and now we're going to a four way on a child named Grace.

It's all about God's Grace..........

Edited to add....Sster asks what time. The meeting is at 1pm so please pray. Pray for all involved to make the best decision for this child.

Oops, I don't know why the link isn't working. Click it and then once it comes up with the error page, just click GO on web toolbar and it will work. Bizarre.

One more week

2005-11-28T23:06:00.000-08:00

One week from today we may find out whether or not we are the parents to be of a 6 (now 7) month old baby boy. I hope there really is a meeting this time and I hope we really are chosen. HOnestly, I haven't been thinking about it all that much, I'm thinking a lot more about New York City and how much fun we'll have there.

When we get home, I'll have less than 48 hours to wait for the four-way.

We still haven't heard when the four-way for Goldilocks is scheduled for.

I heart NYC

2005-11-27T10:08:00.000-08:00

December 2003, mom and I went to New York City. We must have been the last plane to land at Newark airport that day because there a was a huge snow storm. We waited an hour to catch a train into the city where we stayed in a corporate apartment on Central Park South. On a day when most New Yorkers didn't even venture out to go in to the office, mom and I wandered the streets throwing snow at each other. It was beautiful.

December 2004, Karen and I went to New York City for 4 whole days and stayed again in the corporate apartment. The weather was cold but we didn't get the blizzard we got in 2003.

It did snow our last night while we were walking around in Little Italy and it was almost magical. Karen thought it was cold, I thought it was magical...ha ha ha

There's just something about NYC in December. Seeing the tree in Rockefeller Center, watching the Rockettes, shopping on Fifth Avenue (window shopping that is), seeing the window displays in the big department stores. It just feels like Christmas in NYC.

I don't know what the lure of big city life is, but it's so appealing to me. The sounds, the sights, the smells...I can almost feel it as I remember the times I've spent there. I've been to NYC many times throughout the last few years on business trips and each time has been an adventure. Riding the subway, hailing a cab....things we just don't get to do here in Houston. Although every visit to NYC has been fun, there's just something about Christmas in New York that seems to bring the holidays to life.

So, December 2005...Karen, Brigitte and I are off to New York City for a weekend of shopping and living in luxury. (courtesy of frequent hotel points and frequent flyer points) I'm so excited I just can't stand it. Weather forecast is calling for snow and I hope it falls the whole time we're there.

It's really a last minute trip that has finally come together - we leave this Friday early morning and will be back Sunday night late. We're going to shop until we drop and I hope to come back with enough knockoff purses to last me through 2006. Look out NYC, here we come.

Redneck Remote Control

2005-11-26T21:45:00.000-08:00

What does a redneck do when the remote control batteries die?

You tie a piece of yarn to the plug so that you can at least watch tv while you're in bed. You won't be able to change channels or adjust volume, but when you're ready to go to sleep, you just give a good tug on the yarn and out comes the plug - which turns off the tv.

I wish I could take credit for this ingenius design, but the credit goes to Brien. I'd make fun of it, but I was the one who used it. LOL

Happy Anniversary

2005-11-25T20:28:00.000-08:00

There are so many reasons I love my husband, I can't begin to list them all here. He is absolutely the love of my life and I've no doubt that God created each of us for the other. He is the best friend I've ever had. Over the last five years, we've laughed until our stomachs hurt, we've cried until there were no more tears, we've prayed until our knees wore out and we've even thrown a few frying pans! :) So here's to you, Brien, on our fifth anniversary:

Top Ten Reasons I love you:

Number Ten - You're hot!
Number Nine - You laugh louder than anyone else in the theater and you don't care
Number Eight - You're good to your mother
Number Seven - It never occurs to you to be embarrassed
Number Six - You can fix anything around the house
Number Five - You are going to be the best daddy
Number Four - You're slow to anger
Number Three - You're always "there" for me and anyone else who needs you
Number Two - You believe in doing the right thing even when no one is looking
And the number one reason I love you is because you love Christ first, with all your heart and all your strength and all your mind

Bad Hair Day

2005-11-25T20:23:00.000-08:00

UGH! I have to say that I am absolutely disguisted by reports of people being trampled trying to get into Wal Mart or other stores for discounted items. It sickens me to see video clips of people pushing and shoving so they get a head start on their holiday shopping - the holiday, the special day we set aside to honor the fact that Jesus Christ was born. Irony.

Anyway, if you watched your national news you very likely saw a clip of a store opening where people were trampled. The funniest thing I saw all day. I know, I know, it sounds horrible. I tried to find the clip so I could show you - if any of you find it online, please leave the link in the comments section. This lady gets knocked down and if you aren't watching closely, it appears as though she is trying to pull herself together and get back on her feet. Getting back on her feet was not her top priority, however, putting her wig back on was.

Before you get mad at me for making fun of bald people, let me assure you this woman did not appear to be bald. With or without her wig. It just made me laugh because I was thinking, if I'm on the ground between the store entrance and one thousand crazy people trying to get in the store to buy something, I don't think the first thing I'd be doing is reaching for my wig. Gives the saying, "A bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

Happy Thanksgiving

2005-11-23T22:31:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving already? Is anyone else completely caught off guard by this? I know it comes the same time every year, but is it really Thanksgiving already? In the year 2005? How did this happen?

Sometimes I wake up and look around me and I wonder whose house I'm living in. I certainly don't feel old enough to own a house (technically, the bank owns it). Am I really that "grown up"?

I'm almost afraid to sleep at night because I fear that when I wake in the morning, my children will be married with their own kids. You read that correctly, I said that I'm worried the children I don't have yet will be grown with kids of their own when I wake up tomorrow. It's just that times goes by so quickly.

It's so easy to get caught up in the adoption and the impatience of waiting, but a few months isn't long at all; not when you look at the whole picture. They'll be here before I know it. And then they'll be gone before I know it. Just like that. When did time start passing so quickly?

Anyway, Thanksgiving 2005. We'll spend the first part of the day with Brien's side of the family and the second part with my side. Lots of good food and lots of little ones to play with. I think my nephew will be coming home with me for the night so his mom can shop on Friday. Woo Hoo!

So, I have two questions:
1)what traditions does your family have for Thanksgiving?
2)are you going shopping on Friday?

Me - absolutely no shopping. Hate going to the stores when they're crowded. HATE IT. While you guys are out for hours fighting crowds and knocking down old ladies to save a few dollars, I'll finish my shopping in an hour and have the gifts delivered to my front door already wrapped and everything. Can't beat that.

Christmas Shopping

2005-11-23T10:17:00.000-08:00

You should go on over to Shawn’s new blog and check out the adorable pictures of her baby girl - she even has a place for her own fan mail.

I decided to go out and take advantage of some of the big sales today, you know, get a jump on my Christmas shopping? Well, I drive to the mall and park the mini van. I even get out and then I look around at all the cars and say to myself, "What are you thinking?" I HATE crowded stores. Plus, my back has been killing me so I got back in the van and left.

Fortunately, there is a Circuit City nearby so I stopped in there and bought myself two things. That's generally how Christmas shopping goes for me....one for you, two for me.....ha ha ha. I did get my nephew something so that counts, right?

Anyway, you won't find me anywhere near a store on Friday. Way too chaotic for me. I prefer to do my shopping online anyway.

Speaking of Friday, it is our fifth wedding anniversary. I'll have to think of something special to do for Brien. Hmmmm...maybe I'll let him wash the mini van. ha ha ha

The Person in the Mirror

2005-11-21T22:42:00.000-08:00

I'm pleased that the four-way for Spiderman has been rescheduled. I'd even say I'm cautiously optimistic about our chances, but not as much as I was before. I'm afraid to put my heart out there completely and try not to daydream too often about what he might look like or smell like. What his little laugh must sound like. I don't imagine holding him in my arms and praying over him each night after putting him in his crib. I have more self control than that - I can keep myself from becoming too emotionally vested in this child I've never met.

It's that girl in the mirror whose are eyes are overflowing with hope. She is soaring and dreaming and praying and wishing. She doesn't care about guarding her heart; she just wants to love her child. She wants to start now just in case this one is THE one - she just doesn't want to miss one minute of loving him.

I look at her and ask all the what if's you can think of. "What if he isn't for you? What if you aren't chosen? What if his family is somewhere else?" And her response is always the same. "What if he IS?"

Jer 17:7-87 "Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,And whose hope is the LORD. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,Which spreads out its roots by the river,And will not fear when heat comes;But its leaf will be green,And will not be anxious in the year of drought,Nor will cease from yielding fruit."NKJV

So it's official. The adoption process has not only reaked havoc on our emotions, but it has also made me schizophrenic.

So Spiderman's fate is decided on December 6 at 1pm. Either that, or the meeting to determine his fate will be postponed again. Let's pray that Spiderman goes home (wherever that may be) before Christmas. While we're at it, let's pray for Goldilocks, too. Her four way has still not been scheduled and I'm afraid her case worker is over loaded and focusing on more pressing matters. Let's pray that Goldilocks also goes home before Christmas.